I know there is a lot of confusion. People are quick to get offended. People are quick to blame the other person for the fact that they are offended. It's almost to the point where I think some people actually ENJOY feeling angry and insulted or something.
Some might argue that being offended to words that someone else said is justifiable. I argue that unless you know for a fact that the other person's intentions were to insult, you have no right to insinuate anything negative, and your feelings of insult aren't anyone else's problem.
I feel that there is a much larger majority of people who have Aspergers or spectrum. Therefore, it is of great likelihood that a person will run across someone who is undiagnosed, and therefore completely unaware that they have differences in thinking and processing information. So when they say something you consider rude, you have no knowledge to go on that they aren't being rude on purpose. You have two options:
A: Feel insulted, lashing out, plotting some form of revenge, and responding with the best offense you can to let this person know they purposely (in your mind) insulted you in some way, and that its unacceptable.
B: Stop and think. Is this person intending to insult me? Maybe ask them "Did you mean...?" Or simply to assume the best and move along with conversation. Or even walk away.
With Aspergers and in my personal experience, I've gone on with the conversation, without a single roadbump. I haven't noticed your facial expressions of frustration or insult. Just waiting for the next conversation or something. Typically, just to add, I'm feeling uncomfortable in the silence. Am I supposed to say something? So I might try to move on to another topic since you are being weirdly quiet. Of course this makes me seem even more rude because I am ignoring your "obvious" emotional distress of insult.
You tell me which sounds like the better choice; A or B? Most people would logically choose B, because it is rude to be mean, to lash out, to plot revenge, to tear someone a "new one". However, when actually faced with the situation, its like all logic goes out the window. Feeling insulted is an emotion, and logic and emotion are in two separate areas of the brain. Emotion is fight or flight, and there are far too many people who are interested in the fight. It seems as if they enjoy staying and fighting it out, rather than just walking away until they can give themselves time to get out of emotion and back into the logical.
"Of COURSE that person wasn't trying to insult me. Logically, I can see where they were just ..... or ......"
Even for me, if I read something, and I wait overnight, I can logic my way out of frustration over it. If I can do it, NT's can do it too. So it shouldn't be the responsibility of the Aspie to share their thinking processes with the world, if they do not want to. It should be the responsibility of every person to behave in a respectful manner, even when encountering vile, insulting person. "Kill them with kindness". "You'' catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". "Do unto others...".
The reason that an Aspie might say something that could be interpreted as insulting? Because we don't play those little games. We don't sit around thinking about how to insult people, and honestly, I don't sit around thinking about all the ways that people insult other people so that I can plot what kind of meanness to spread just because I can "use Aspergers as an excuse". What kind of dishonest person would do that? "I have Aspergers, so I can say whatever I want and get away with it! HA! I'm gonna go find someone to insult and blame it on Aspergers."
That's not what I'm saying. That isn't how my brain works.
READ this link!!!
"Another main characteristic is that these socially uninhibited children will say exactly what’s on their minds, without regard to social implications. They might find humor in things the average person won’t, or might be very literal and not find the humor in a subtle witticism that all their peers are laughing at. They just might not “get” a very obvious joke. They are often mistaken for impolite or rude. There are painful social implications for these children."
"He notes the Asperger child’s different perception of the world around them and their own unique way of experiencing sensory events. He points out their strong need “to seek knowledge, truth and perfection,” but they just do it differently than more typical children. To them, the solving of the problem is more important than what others might think about them: They see details, as opposed to the whole."
The truth is more important than whether or not you're insulted by the truth. I won't know you will be or are insulted by it. I just know a truth, and if you don't like it, or don't agree with that truth, that's fine. Just don't blame me for the fact that you feel insulted.
It is painful to have people get insulted at a lot of things you say. It is almost as if you are being told you shouldn't talk because what you say offends everyone. Almost as if you are being told "it doesn't matter what your opinion or truth is, if it offends me I don't want to hear it".
No wonder web searches and browsers are only giving you search and ad information related to your previous interests, posts, or searches. Because people honestly only want to hear things that agrees with their thinking. They don't want to break out of the box and remain logical, sensible and calm. They want to only hear that people agree with them, and they want to smack down with anyone who doesn't.
The next time you encounter a rude person, step out of your box of comfort for a minute. Either ask for clarification, or start telling yourself that they didn't mean it that way (even if you think they did). This is as much for your benefit as it is for the other person. You avoid an arguement, and you are on your way to tolerance, which we ALL could use a dose of.
This is election season. Everyone needs to hear the message that most people do not intend to insult (most of the time). Especially now, with the elections, everyone is more and more polarizing every time. This is causing division everywhere, from workplaces to families.
So, I ask you simply, just stop being so offended all the time, and especially stop blaming someone else for it. Who cares if they think you are a selfish rude snob (an example of something I would NEVER SAY, let alone imply!). That's their (wrong) opinion. Let them have it, and move on, instead of getting all insulted and lashing out in return. EVEN WHEN INSULTED, treat others the way you want to be treated.
