Hate Going To Town?

Are you the kind of person who hates going to town? Do you get irritable and overwhelmed? 

I have found that going shopping alone is a lot harder than going shopping with someone. When someone is with me, I know I have help, an extra hand, an extra voice. Someone to help me maintain some sanity.

This can't be just anyone, it has to be someone I'm close enough to. I have to feel comfortable with them and feel safe enough to trust them with my kid. So far, right now, I only have my husband for that job! 

I LOVE when my husband comes to town with me. I just love it. I love him of course, but I love that he is there for me to lend a helping hand, to carry bags and hold a kid. :P 

If you get overwhelmed, go with a friend or wait until you can bring your spouse with you! It really takes the sensory overload down a lot.

Finances, Needs Vs Wants

So, if you read my last post, I said  "see next post". LOL!

We don't buy a lot of wants around here. Not really.
I'll give you an example; I haven't replaced my bras in 4 years. One reason is that I cannot buy them in any store, I have to order them, but the other reason is that we just never have the money left for those kinds of "frivolous" things.

Many of you women reading this might think that bras are a "basic human right" for a woman, but honestly, you have too much freaking underwear. If you have more than one per day for a week, you have too many (in my opinion). The most bras I have ever had at one time is 3 everyday and 3 sports bras, and two of the latter have been recently thrown away for their deteriorating condition (which should technically be followed by the other 4 of them to be honest...).

I believe in buying something that is worth buying. The bras I bought 4 years ago were TOTALLY worth it. They fit GREAT - a first in my life. I can't ever remember in my entire life ever wearing a bra that actually touched in the middle the way that they all say that they should. Or one that fit right in general! Bravissimo is a GREAT company, even helping me FROM ACROSS AN OCEAN to get the right size. They were more helpful than any store I have ever walked into and been physically measured in. No measuring with Bravissimo, its all on how it actually fits, and how bras are actually sized. Not all D cups are created equal, for example. If you look, the bigger around the band, the bigger the cup size. if you have to go up a cup size, go down a band size.

Anyway, I'm frustrated after trying to shop for a bra. How did I ever manage to find a bra I liked before Bravissimo? And now they've ruined me, I can't go back LOL. However, its a lot of an investment. AAANNNDDD my hubby didn't get his business loan. So we aren't sure where that dream is going to happen, if its going to happen, or how. He's going to try something else. That was supposed to help us. That was supposed to get us into better shape. So we'll see I guess.....

Going To Town

I just got home from town. I am exhausted.

I didn't used to know why going to town and shopping made me so frustrated. I just assumed that it was the fact that I had so much to do, so much was needed, too little money, and its hard to shop with a kid. We used to go shopping for our "date" when we were dating and first married, and we would go late at night. So there wasn't many people, but it was late, so we would get tired. But it made for a nice date.

Now, I know for sure I have Aspergers, and things are different! Really different. Don't get me wrong, I still get COMPLETELY overwhelmed. I still get COMPLETELY stressed out. But at least now I have some idea why. The lights, the sounds, the noises, the rude people, other drivers, weather related hazards, and still too much to buy/needed, and not enough money. The whole situation is overwhelming and no matter how hard I try to keep it together, its hard to budget this stuff. Prices where I live can vary so much that even if I budgeted, I could be off by a lot of $. That's frustrating, because its not like we go shopping for a lot of wants or something. (See next post for example...)

I can at least get in the car between places and tell myself that this is ok, feeling like this is normal for me, and I can just refocus and tell myself what else I have to do before being done for the day. The drive home is always a decompression. Today was rather frustrating, and its probably due to being pregnant. And, I dared to try on bras at the store today (again, see next post). So, after such a stressful day I listened to classical music all the way home. Bonus: it was B's favorite going to sleep soundtrack, so he was quiet and went to sleep on the way home, giving me extra silence time!

Now, don't get me started on the fact that we can't get out of the pickup without opening the windows, and now you can't get in the drivers door either, along with the fact that the care needs new tires, the furnace is acting up, the stovetop is not working properly, and the refrigerator water dispenser leaks..... All at once. RIGHT?! That's always the way it is.

BUT, I scored some AWESOME little girl clothes today for my sister (and hopefully for us as hand me downs!) and even some maternity pants, and my friend from up here brought over her 2 boxes of maternity clothes. :) Yay!

Gifts, Holidays, Surprises

A fellow aspie wrote this blog:
http://www.aspiewriter.com/2012/12/navigating-holidays-with-autism-part-ii.html

And I'm LOVING it.

See, I'm the kind of person who makes lists. For gifts for other people, and for gifts for myself. I actually don't write my own lists anymore really, I think I am past that for the most part, but I do tell my husband what I want, and he gets it for me. Or I will say "hey, i would like......" as a "hint" to people. My husband eats it up, he LOVES when I tell him something I would like, it makes it a lot easier on him. He hates trying to pick out gifts. And if you think about it, most women say "Pick me out something from your heart!" or some variation of that, and get mad if the gift they are given doesn't add up to their expectations, when they gave NO indication of what they wanted, but yet they expected others to "know" what to get them. That is a game I refuse to play. I'm simple. I know what I want, and I have no problem telling you and getting that. I find it a great surprise to get exactly what I'm wishing for!

I have asked my son to make a list for others. We do have people who have specifically requested that, and I love it because its perfect! He loves looking through catalogs or on the websites online and picking out things. I give him a limit, he cant pick out a bazillion things, and I explain to him different values that we have, and really he isn't interested in most of the toys that we don't agree with because of values or whatever. He seems focused about what to ask for, and he usually asks for one specific thing more often than others, and that makes it easier to get him something off his list. Usually its pretty clear with him what he is really interested in!

I remember growing up, the best present that I ever got was Shakespeare's sonnets. The reason it was the best gift? I specifically asked for it. I wrote a list, emailed it out, and I actually got it. Not only was I surprised but I loved that book, and it was really fun and exciting for me. It made me feel honored and respected for having my own likes and wishes and it made me feel that the person who got it for me (an uncle and aunt) really valued who I was. 

Although I am the kind of person who loves seeing people receive a gift from me, I prefer that the gift be something that they want or at the least need. I won't budge on certain values I have; for example I don't like violent games or movies, so therefore I won't even buy them for someone else, even if that is what they tell me that they want. I will have to get creative and think of something else or just wait and see if they come up with another idea. I am usually pretty thorough about what I buy. See, I do not want to waste my money. I want to buy something that will get used and appreciated.

In recent years (due to a specific circumstance), I have started giving "money" gifts, like gift cards or certificates to restaurants. These are things that I know people will use, and they don't clutter up your house, they don't get thrown out or not used. They are like the perfect gift! Almost everyone these days usually just buys whatever they want when they want it. A horrible characteristic, I know. But especially when it comes to buying for parents, how do you buy them something that they don't already have? Sometimes (RARELY) I make exceptions to that, but for the most part, I try to give people something that will get used up and that won't add to the clutter of daily life. We Americans have TOO MUCH STUFF, and buying some new trinket or knick knack for someone to put up on their shelf is just ridiculous. Exceptions are photo gifts/framed, but that's obvious. 

I enjoy these same gifts in return. I am a stay at home mom (especially now with an upcoming pregnancy/infant coming in the summer!) and I and my husband have both decided we prefer me to not work, and stay at home with our kid(s). So things do get "tight" in comparison to other families who have 2 incomes. I don't agree with these situations because I (and my husband) believe in parents raising their own children instead of handing them off to child care for thousands of dollars a year or even month! The costs are horrendous and I can't believe people think that it's worth it. But that's another topic... moving back now....
So, I love getting gift cards too! Not necessarily from someplace like Target (unless I have a baby registry to fill like I do now!) because that's only going to help accumulate more stuff. I guess even Target has food now, so I guess I could be sensible about it there even! But a gift card to the local grocery stores is awesome! Or something I have sitting on my amazon wishlist! Anyway, I just love getting something I will actually use, not purge to the thrift shop in a month. I have very little guilt about purging something I don't use, so beware of that, and remember that if you bought it and I didn't use it and I purged it, you have no reason to be mad at me! :P

Anyway, its complicated because "normal" people like to "surprise" others. (Except guys who know that it's probably not safe to surprise their wife with a weed whip or tool, but have no clue what to get!) "Normal" people love "the search". It's a part of the "high" of shopping. I enjoy the "high" of shopping too, but I know it just promotes more shopping and overspending, so I try to avoid it. That, and I can't stand actually shopping, I can't stand the crowds, the people, the noise, the lights, the long drive to town, having to keep track of my son, worrying about losing my phone or something like that, and then there's hunger. Because town is an hour away, there's always hunger that happens. And overspending. And worrying about money. And feeling guilty about money. It's all such a pain in the butt, that I'm done doing that kind of stuff if I can help it!

So I make lists. I give myself ideas about what people want. I write down something I know they need or have wanted. I write down what they tell me they are thinking of wanting for Christmas. I write down something that they did this year. I eventually end up figuring something out. But those notes are really important to my ability to do it. And you wouldn't believe the online coupons you can find for things! Or, like I said, gift cards/certificates to a place they frequent. Spot on. Can't go wrong with a favorite meal and a favorite restaurant!

So basically, this is just a part of who I am. This is just how I work. I don't micromanage so much that I tell one person I want one thing and someone else I want another so I'm controlling who is getting me what. I just mention things that I want in a list or whatnot, and I am still surprised with what a person chooses to get me. However, I'm always disappointed when it's something I know I will not use. Those are really tough presents because though I appreciate the thought, it's a waste of their money too. Money wasting is not something I am a fan of. It's like, if you are going to get me a cruddy present I don't want, I'd rather have the 20$ because that would do me more good. And thankfully, my hubby is on board with that! Maybe he has Aspergers too. ;)