Feeling Overwhelmed

I think feeling overwhelmed is common for people with Autism/Spectrum. I have often heard or read about people with Autism/Spectrum "losing it" in large gatherings, or specifically during times in their lives when they were overwhelmed or exhausted past the point of normal. 

Whatever the causes of these overwhelming times, one thing is certain; this particular trait alone can set us apart, even without a known cause.

Today it is very common for people to constantly be on the go. From work to children's after school activities to our own extracurriculars, it seems to be the norm that people are constantly running, and giving of their time and energy to every pursuit that one could possibly imagine. It isn't just all the kids have X activity, its that child 1 has this activity, and child 2 has a different one, and child 3 has yet another one, and so on. Then we ourselves will say yes to a wide variety of other responsibilities, whether for family, friends, work or church. It's just "normal" to be constantly busy and constantly social.

I know, from my viewpoint, that it is impossible for anyone with Autism/Spectrum to be on the go at all times, if for no other reason than that it takes a lot less stimuli for us to be overwhelmed, whether we realize it or not. Often times, unfortunately, I don't realize I'm overwhelmed until its too late and I'm having those typical anxiety attack symptoms. Whether there is a specific form of sensory input that bothers us the most (such as sights, sounds, smells), or simply one more than we can handle at a time, or if it is just all of them in combination, it takes far less time for someone on the spectrum to become overwhelmed with certain situations. 

As I said, this alone can set us apart. It makes us "weird" that we can't function the same way that other people do. It makes us abnormal that we can't handle a trip to the store on Labor Day Friday. It makes us different, and we stick out, because we can't be comfortable in certain situations, especially social ones such as a party. It makes us confusing when we need to take a few minutes (or more) to sit down at the computer, bring out our phones, or leave the room when we have company at our house.

I've never been someone who has to have people around me all the time. I am lonely without my children around me, but as far as friends go, I have never been someone who needs to have regular physical, in person contact with my friends. Facebook does the job for the most part. There are times in life that I wish they were physically there for me, but for the most part, (no offense), I find that life is a lot easier without having to socialize in person. However, I have noticed that the times that I do have people here, I do need to take that step out of the room. It is a good thing that my husband is fairly social most of the time, and the fact that I am no longer in the room is usually not noticed by guests, because my husband just keeps chatting. 

I do remember, however, having birthday parties or something at my house as a child, and after a while I would be found alone somewhere reading a book. This was something that was not "normal". Shouldn't I want to spend time with my friends? Shouldn't I be out with them, doing what they were doing, playing with them, talking to them? Sure, I did, in a way. But honestly, it was a lot easier to play by myself, and since I loved reading, it was a lot more peaceful in the confines of a book than it was with a bunch of kids.

I can't speak for the people I was friends with when I was younger but I'm sure that this problem with easily becoming overwhelmed had a lot to do with why they ended up not being my friend, even if they had been my friend and defended me for years. I had a very hard time with kids my age. I didn't understand why they acted the way they did, and I'm sure they didn't understand me either. I can't recall a single instance in elementary when I actually played WITH another kid. I remember pretending to be one of the boxcar children, but I was alone. I remember doing cartwheels and whatnot, but again, I was alone (and even teased for pretending that I was really doing 'gymnastics'). I remember hating when everyone wanted to play kickball or something at recess, because I would much rather find something else to do. 

Being overwhelmed is a very disabling feeling. Basically, I would rather collapse onto the floor than have to deal with any social or loud situation when I am overwhelmed. Unfortunately, I usually don't want to sleep. I have a very complicated relationship to sleeping early. I feel as if something is wrong with me if I go to sleep earlier than 10, as if I'm sick or something. Even if I am sick, it just feels wrong to go to sleep early. This is something I would like to change, but for now, at least 10 works. It could be worse. 

People who are expected to act like everyone else, yet can't, find that very few people will go out of their way to deal with your differences. Where the norm is to party all night Friday and Saturday, there is nothing left for one to do with others that doesn't involve overwhelming parties and other such situations. 

Anyway, I've been interrupted several times through writing this post today, so if it seems incoherant, I apologize. I also seem to have gone off on a tangent, so I'm sorry for that too. :P

Aspergers & Pregnancy: A Sensory Nightmare

I really enjoy being pregnant. I do! I think every woman does to a certain extent. I suppose, unless you are sick the entire time.

I have found that probably do to Aspergers, and the sensory issues that come with that, I am very intolerant of feeling sick. Motion sickness is not something I can tolerate for the "fun" of a ride at the fair or something. Being ill, especially a stomach ickiness type illness, is very upsetting. It could be something as minor as hunger, and I am very disturbed by it.

Pregnancy sickness was the hardest for me. Putting it into perspective of the flu I ended up with later in pregnancy (with no stomach upset), the stomach ickiness I had at the beginning of my pregnancy was not that horrible. But to me it seemed as if it were the worst possible feeling. It never ceased to bother me. I was very irritable because of the discomfort I felt, and that carried over to everything else. Some people might say that they could still function, that they could busy themselves and almost feel better, or that people should just be able to ignore those feelings of ickiness and move on with the day as if nothing was wrong. I don't know about other Aspies (please leave your feelings about stomach upset in the comments), but for me how I feel physically and how I feel mentally are very tightly connected. To expect me to be able to separate my physical from my emotional and mental is a task I am unable to achieve. 

There have been many other symptoms that I have been intolerant of, but I guess after days and weeks of them they just become a part of the whole experience, crankiness and all. I have been very tired and uncomfortable some days from certain aches and pains, and again, that carries over to my whole emotional feeling. Then of course comes the feelings of guilt that I should be able to be more to others, be more cheerful and helpful and loving, but I cannot seem to be able to get past the physical far enough to cure the emotional.

Then there's other people.
Oh my, other people.
I tread this with caution because though this stuff drives me crazy, I tolerate it with a great amount of patience and respect. I don't mean to make anyone feel rejected or whatnot.

I am the kind of person who doesn't look at other people when I am out and about. I could be walking right past you and I probably will not see you. Eye contact is uncomfortable enough with someone I know and am talking to, it is much worse to even think about making eye contact with random strangers. I have found also that NOT making eye contact with other people means that I am "closed off" enough to not be bothered a lot of times with comments, questions or uncomfortable "hellos" from people - even people I might know, but not recognize.

Of course, near the end of pregnancy, every person you meet wants to talk about it. They want to ask you when you're due, they want to ask you what it is (girl/boy), they want to ask you how you feel, they want to tell you their stories, and worst of all, some of them want to touch you. It is hysterical that no one walks around waiting to touch other people's body parts, until you're pregnant, when it seems like everyone and their mother wants to poke and prod at your stomach. This pregnancy has been rather strange anyway, because my stomach has been sensitive to poking and prodding. Baby isn't bothering me at all, but if I bump into something (even gently), or my son or husband pokes at it, it really does hurt. That's not to say that every person who touches me hurts me, but that is a part of it. The other part is that for some reason I am just uncomfortable with it. Even with people I'm really close to. I can't really explain it, but I am just not the sort of person who does that to someone else because I would feel uncomfortable doing it, or having it done to me. 

It is the part of pregnancy where I just don't want to see anyone or go anywhere, because I'm tired of answering the same questions. Sure, everyone wants to know, and usually other people don't keep those kinds of things locked in permenant memory or anything. That's fine, I don't expect them to. But it sure would be a lot easier if I just wore a shirt that said the when, what and whatevers that people are asking me so that I wouldn't have to. Talking is exhausting. Especially when it is repetitive.

Anyway, I don't know if every pregnant woman feels this way to an extent, or if the Aspie sensitivities and sensory overload is what puts me over the edge. Other Aspies shuold weigh in on this, even men, because it would be helpful to know how Aspie men react to pregnancies too! Men might not carry the babies, but men have symptoms they go through as well. Or, if you didn't have any! 

People with ASD may experience the following...