Aspergers & Pregnancy: A Sensory Nightmare

I really enjoy being pregnant. I do! I think every woman does to a certain extent. I suppose, unless you are sick the entire time.

I have found that probably do to Aspergers, and the sensory issues that come with that, I am very intolerant of feeling sick. Motion sickness is not something I can tolerate for the "fun" of a ride at the fair or something. Being ill, especially a stomach ickiness type illness, is very upsetting. It could be something as minor as hunger, and I am very disturbed by it.

Pregnancy sickness was the hardest for me. Putting it into perspective of the flu I ended up with later in pregnancy (with no stomach upset), the stomach ickiness I had at the beginning of my pregnancy was not that horrible. But to me it seemed as if it were the worst possible feeling. It never ceased to bother me. I was very irritable because of the discomfort I felt, and that carried over to everything else. Some people might say that they could still function, that they could busy themselves and almost feel better, or that people should just be able to ignore those feelings of ickiness and move on with the day as if nothing was wrong. I don't know about other Aspies (please leave your feelings about stomach upset in the comments), but for me how I feel physically and how I feel mentally are very tightly connected. To expect me to be able to separate my physical from my emotional and mental is a task I am unable to achieve. 

There have been many other symptoms that I have been intolerant of, but I guess after days and weeks of them they just become a part of the whole experience, crankiness and all. I have been very tired and uncomfortable some days from certain aches and pains, and again, that carries over to my whole emotional feeling. Then of course comes the feelings of guilt that I should be able to be more to others, be more cheerful and helpful and loving, but I cannot seem to be able to get past the physical far enough to cure the emotional.

Then there's other people.
Oh my, other people.
I tread this with caution because though this stuff drives me crazy, I tolerate it with a great amount of patience and respect. I don't mean to make anyone feel rejected or whatnot.

I am the kind of person who doesn't look at other people when I am out and about. I could be walking right past you and I probably will not see you. Eye contact is uncomfortable enough with someone I know and am talking to, it is much worse to even think about making eye contact with random strangers. I have found also that NOT making eye contact with other people means that I am "closed off" enough to not be bothered a lot of times with comments, questions or uncomfortable "hellos" from people - even people I might know, but not recognize.

Of course, near the end of pregnancy, every person you meet wants to talk about it. They want to ask you when you're due, they want to ask you what it is (girl/boy), they want to ask you how you feel, they want to tell you their stories, and worst of all, some of them want to touch you. It is hysterical that no one walks around waiting to touch other people's body parts, until you're pregnant, when it seems like everyone and their mother wants to poke and prod at your stomach. This pregnancy has been rather strange anyway, because my stomach has been sensitive to poking and prodding. Baby isn't bothering me at all, but if I bump into something (even gently), or my son or husband pokes at it, it really does hurt. That's not to say that every person who touches me hurts me, but that is a part of it. The other part is that for some reason I am just uncomfortable with it. Even with people I'm really close to. I can't really explain it, but I am just not the sort of person who does that to someone else because I would feel uncomfortable doing it, or having it done to me. 

It is the part of pregnancy where I just don't want to see anyone or go anywhere, because I'm tired of answering the same questions. Sure, everyone wants to know, and usually other people don't keep those kinds of things locked in permenant memory or anything. That's fine, I don't expect them to. But it sure would be a lot easier if I just wore a shirt that said the when, what and whatevers that people are asking me so that I wouldn't have to. Talking is exhausting. Especially when it is repetitive.

Anyway, I don't know if every pregnant woman feels this way to an extent, or if the Aspie sensitivities and sensory overload is what puts me over the edge. Other Aspies shuold weigh in on this, even men, because it would be helpful to know how Aspie men react to pregnancies too! Men might not carry the babies, but men have symptoms they go through as well. Or, if you didn't have any! 

Feeling Sick, Sensitivities, Feelings

Now, I know this is probably the only place I haven't made this announcement: I'm pregnant.

With my son, I consider the pregnancy the most perfect pregnancy ever. I wasn't sick, I felt great the entire time, and everything was perfect, just the way I imagined it to be.

And as the years went by (my son will be 6 the end of the month), I kept saying to myself I would probably pay with any other pregnancies. Especially if I actually got my girl, which is what I do want (and honestly, I already feel like it IS a girl). My mom was sick with me and my sister, but not so much with my brother, so I figured that was a sign.

This pregnancy, I am about 6 weeks in, and I am not feeling good. I wouldn't describe it as the nightmare of morning sickness with vomiting that everyone seems to have, but its a naggy, icky stomach. 

I don't know if this is the same for people with Aspergers or not, but I am a miserable sick person. It really makes no difference if I am throwing up, or if I just have an upset stomach, I probably react about the same. It is disabling. Everything bothers me. I am more cranky, I am hungry, but don't know what to eat (or what I should or can eat).... This isn't just from this pregnancy, I get motion sickness/car sickness, and this feels just about the same as that, and that makes me feel the same: cranky, hungry but don't know what to eat, and almost disabling. I can't do chores, I can't function normally as I would. I haven't done any homework with my son all week, and I feel bad; I really haven't done much with him at all. He is so great, independent, tolerates me just sitting there saying "yeah, ok, yeah, ok...". I felt much better yesterday, but today I am back to a bit sensitive stomach again. I'm pretty much down to cereal, bread with cheese, tortilla with cheese, applesauce/apples, yogurt (a recent discovery), fortune cookies... you know, bland food. 

I am simply a miserable sick person! It is like my physical symptoms of illness turns my head off as well. I am not interested in doing a whole lot of anything, and I'd like to sleep, but I don't really want to sleep all day leaving my son all alone all day long, that just isn't fair. So I just kinda mope around here.

I really hope that this is not going to last long. I mean, even if it lasts 3 months, that really isn't long, but it seems like an eternity on this side. 6 more weeks? Really? What am I going to do to function for 6 more weeks?

I think a part of it is sleep too. The night before last I got a TON of sleep, for whatever reason we went to bed around 8:30. So maybe its all sleep related, and maybe if I did allow myself a little nap, I would feel better. But I just haven't been able to do it.

As if my senses weren't already magnified, now they are even more so. Smell was not my friend with the pregnancy of my son, so I am not surprised that it isn't this time either.

Anyway, maybe I'm just complaning. Or maybe there are some other Aspiegirls out there who have had similar pregnancy experiences with the misery of what really shouldn't be miserable at all. Am I alone here? I think not...