Hate Going To Town?

Are you the kind of person who hates going to town? Do you get irritable and overwhelmed? 

I have found that going shopping alone is a lot harder than going shopping with someone. When someone is with me, I know I have help, an extra hand, an extra voice. Someone to help me maintain some sanity.

This can't be just anyone, it has to be someone I'm close enough to. I have to feel comfortable with them and feel safe enough to trust them with my kid. So far, right now, I only have my husband for that job! 

I LOVE when my husband comes to town with me. I just love it. I love him of course, but I love that he is there for me to lend a helping hand, to carry bags and hold a kid. :P 

If you get overwhelmed, go with a friend or wait until you can bring your spouse with you! It really takes the sensory overload down a lot.

Feeling Overwhelmed

I think feeling overwhelmed is common for people with Autism/Spectrum. I have often heard or read about people with Autism/Spectrum "losing it" in large gatherings, or specifically during times in their lives when they were overwhelmed or exhausted past the point of normal. 

Whatever the causes of these overwhelming times, one thing is certain; this particular trait alone can set us apart, even without a known cause.

Today it is very common for people to constantly be on the go. From work to children's after school activities to our own extracurriculars, it seems to be the norm that people are constantly running, and giving of their time and energy to every pursuit that one could possibly imagine. It isn't just all the kids have X activity, its that child 1 has this activity, and child 2 has a different one, and child 3 has yet another one, and so on. Then we ourselves will say yes to a wide variety of other responsibilities, whether for family, friends, work or church. It's just "normal" to be constantly busy and constantly social.

I know, from my viewpoint, that it is impossible for anyone with Autism/Spectrum to be on the go at all times, if for no other reason than that it takes a lot less stimuli for us to be overwhelmed, whether we realize it or not. Often times, unfortunately, I don't realize I'm overwhelmed until its too late and I'm having those typical anxiety attack symptoms. Whether there is a specific form of sensory input that bothers us the most (such as sights, sounds, smells), or simply one more than we can handle at a time, or if it is just all of them in combination, it takes far less time for someone on the spectrum to become overwhelmed with certain situations. 

As I said, this alone can set us apart. It makes us "weird" that we can't function the same way that other people do. It makes us abnormal that we can't handle a trip to the store on Labor Day Friday. It makes us different, and we stick out, because we can't be comfortable in certain situations, especially social ones such as a party. It makes us confusing when we need to take a few minutes (or more) to sit down at the computer, bring out our phones, or leave the room when we have company at our house.

I've never been someone who has to have people around me all the time. I am lonely without my children around me, but as far as friends go, I have never been someone who needs to have regular physical, in person contact with my friends. Facebook does the job for the most part. There are times in life that I wish they were physically there for me, but for the most part, (no offense), I find that life is a lot easier without having to socialize in person. However, I have noticed that the times that I do have people here, I do need to take that step out of the room. It is a good thing that my husband is fairly social most of the time, and the fact that I am no longer in the room is usually not noticed by guests, because my husband just keeps chatting. 

I do remember, however, having birthday parties or something at my house as a child, and after a while I would be found alone somewhere reading a book. This was something that was not "normal". Shouldn't I want to spend time with my friends? Shouldn't I be out with them, doing what they were doing, playing with them, talking to them? Sure, I did, in a way. But honestly, it was a lot easier to play by myself, and since I loved reading, it was a lot more peaceful in the confines of a book than it was with a bunch of kids.

I can't speak for the people I was friends with when I was younger but I'm sure that this problem with easily becoming overwhelmed had a lot to do with why they ended up not being my friend, even if they had been my friend and defended me for years. I had a very hard time with kids my age. I didn't understand why they acted the way they did, and I'm sure they didn't understand me either. I can't recall a single instance in elementary when I actually played WITH another kid. I remember pretending to be one of the boxcar children, but I was alone. I remember doing cartwheels and whatnot, but again, I was alone (and even teased for pretending that I was really doing 'gymnastics'). I remember hating when everyone wanted to play kickball or something at recess, because I would much rather find something else to do. 

Being overwhelmed is a very disabling feeling. Basically, I would rather collapse onto the floor than have to deal with any social or loud situation when I am overwhelmed. Unfortunately, I usually don't want to sleep. I have a very complicated relationship to sleeping early. I feel as if something is wrong with me if I go to sleep earlier than 10, as if I'm sick or something. Even if I am sick, it just feels wrong to go to sleep early. This is something I would like to change, but for now, at least 10 works. It could be worse. 

People who are expected to act like everyone else, yet can't, find that very few people will go out of their way to deal with your differences. Where the norm is to party all night Friday and Saturday, there is nothing left for one to do with others that doesn't involve overwhelming parties and other such situations. 

Anyway, I've been interrupted several times through writing this post today, so if it seems incoherant, I apologize. I also seem to have gone off on a tangent, so I'm sorry for that too. :P

Pain, Lots of Pain

I have recently developed pain both under my rib and around into my back. This is causing me a great deal of distress! I don't really deal well with most pain.

The problem with pain is that it is really distracting. I feel as if I simply cannot function. The pain takes over and overwhelms all my other senses. I am highly irritable, not only from the pain, but also from the fact that this pain is really persistent and constant. There is little to nothing I can do right now to get this pain to stop. Tylenol hardly touches it, stretching hasn't done anything for it, using good posture makes no difference. The only thing that does seem to work is pushing on it, lying on a tennis ball, or massage. This helps greatly reduce the pain, but it always comes back.

What I am thinking is going on is that the entire right side of my back has tightness in the muscles there, from my shoulders on down. I think these muscles are pulling my ribcage, and because of the pregnancy hormones, it is pulling my ribcage "out of place/joint".

I have a chiropractic appointment on Monday, when we are on our way to our babymoon! However, I don't think I will be able to make it that long. I am thinking I might have to go tomorrow. I can't sleep. The only position that makes it eased is lying flat on my back, a big no no for women in their third trimester (which I just begun). So, doing that makes me nervous, even though it is the only position that eases my pain. I thought being on all fours would help but that doesn't do anything to ease it anymore (it did the first day I felt this much pain).

Of course, because I am in pain, and I am more cranky than usual, and I am very impatient and moody, I then end up feeling guilty because I can't tolerate B doing certain things. I get annoyed when he is making a lot of noise, playing and talking constantly, or trying to get me to do something with him. I simply cannot handle doing something with this kind of pain. It feels at times as if someone has stuck a knife in my back and its sticking out the front too. 

Again, I think it must be something out of joint because it is in the same rib area in the front and back. Some points in my back if I press into the tennis ball it will feel stabby in the front ribcage area. So I am really hoping that it is something a chiropractor can fix... my other options are certainly more distressing: kidney or gallbladder problems. I am not really having any other symptoms however, just this constant pain. It doesn't seem to matter when or what I have eaten, it hurts more in certain positions, and as I said, if I get it rubbed it feels better for a period of time. I think that because of the pregnancy hormones, it doesn't take as long to start hurting again because its so much easier than normal to shift my ribcage around. I could almost feel it shifting when I turned from side to side in bed last night.

But anyway, it causes a bit of sensory overload. It is like being in a crowded mall, with loud annoying music, flickering flourescents, and rude people all over the place. This is pretty bad pain. I had a natural birth with my first, and I am here to tell you I would much rather be in labor right now than to have to deal with this pain. My labor and delivery of my son was great! Sure, it hurt, but considering how I usually function with pain, it was NOTHING in comparison to this. It might seem as if I am some kind of wimp, but really, when you are in labor, no one expects you to play with or read to another child, wash dishes, clean the house, make meals, or even do anything that requires using your brain for anything except pain management and focusing on getting through the birth. I have this horrible pain in my ribs and back, and I still have to try to function normally? I can't do it. I feel terrible. It is like having the flu, only worse because I feel fine everywhere else, but can't get my head to cooperate with daily tasks.

So tomorrow I think I will try to go to the chiropractor. My other option is a physical therapist, or even my doctor (hoping once again it is not some medical issue!). But I honestly hope that the chiropractor will be able to help. I have a friend nearby who could do some kind of massage that I think I will try to get ahold of first, if she isn't available, then to the chiro I go. I usually can lay down on the floor and stretch my back out and get it to crack, and honestly lately that hasn't been happening, so I know things must be getting tight and/or inflexible back there! That's totally not normal for me, and I must say it is quite annoying! 

I will say this, I have said it before and I'll say it again: If I had gone through this much torture the first time, I might never have even considered a second pregnancy! I'm glad for my family, but I think I'm even more glad that I'm pretty confident I can be done after this. I'll have my older boy, and baby girl, one of each, and with all the troubles, I can be done. I never thought I would get to that point. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can be done with the whole having kids thing. Sigh!

12 Signs of Sensory Overload