Crowds

I haven't posted in forever again, sorry!

I went over 1000 views though! That's kinda cool!

Yesterday, I had gotten tickets to a comedy show for my husband, so we went. It was in an arena. This is bigger than anything I have ever been to, except for a Timberwolves game or two (not by choice; we sang the national anthem when I was in high school).
Anyway, sometimes it perplexes me how I have the ability to deal with crowds. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not comfortable. I don't feel "safe", I don't trust people won't try to swipe something from me, I don't like being bumped into or smelling alcohol or smokes on other people, etc. But somehow, its like I am mentally prepared, and I don't freak out when I'm there.

We were kinda squished in our seats. My husband felt very cramped. The guy next to him thought he had to use half of my husband's space and the guy next to me kept elbowing me (unintentional I hope). So I leaned over toward my husband more. He didn't seem too bothered, but he didn't really accept my hand very often. He was uncomfortable, yet enjoying the show.

I always seem to find the path through a crowd. I don't "stay in line" - I see a space and I go for it. If I'm moving, then I'm closer to not being there I guess, right? My husband doesn't know what I'm doing half the time, he just sees me darting in and out of "traffic", unless he's had the forethought to hold on, in which case I am slowed down a little.

I wonder if having Aspergers, and not being comfortable in crowds, leads some kind of ability to see the holes where others don't. I guess where some people will try to walk straight, I will take zigzags just to get out. I don't know.

Anyway, somehow I have gained this ability to be ok in a crowd, at least for a short time, or an afternoon or something. How, I don't know. Maybe it was because of my childhood having so much family around periodically for holidays and such. Maybe it was from being in public school and liking enough of it that I just learned to be in the crowd. 

However, like most other things in my life, I never follow the crowd. Most of the crowd going out of the arena was going to the left. Well, I knew I wanted to go toward the right in the building in general, so I went right instead, found an empty row, took that, and dashed out. We were probably out before most people left their seats because we went the other direction. What is with that crowd mentality? Why is it so hard to go against the current? Not only physically (such as in an arena with thousands), but in life in general. Most people are more than willing to go along with what everyone else seems to be doing: whether its lifestyle, or parenting or hobbies, or whatever. You just see groups of people all doing the same thing like a bunch of lemmings. What is wrong with doing things your own way? Is the pressure external or internal? Some people might be coerced into doing something, while others just want to please someone else and do it? I don't know. But when it comes to something like safety, why do we still think we can get away with doing it the way everyone else is, even if they are hurting or risking themselves or someone else? I just don't get it.

Well this post was scattered. A random jumble of thoughts.

I'm going to start reading "Appreciating Aspergers" and talking about it chapter by chapter, how it is true (or not) in my life. I hope I can get on this soon, I have a hard time reading, so I hope the chapters make for a short read. Thanks for reading!

Reunions...

My dad's family has a reunion every 2 years. It's a pretty nice get-together. The oldest generation is my grandma's siblings, and the youngest would be her great grandchildren! It is pretty impressive. Since the "heads" of the family (as far back as we go on the family tree) are Helen and Fred, my grandma's parents, that makes for 5 generations of Parker relatives! This year there were something like 80 of us which is a rather small number compared to other years.

I still have a lot of reservations about reunions. It's a huge crowd of people. A ton of them. Of all ages. Many of them know me, but a lot of times I forget who they are. I know the faces a lot of the time, but the names escape me. Basically, the only way I survive the weekend is because I know its coming, I'm well aware that its coming. I am mentally prepared for a ton of people, I know the park that its in well now, I know that there's plenty for our son to do, other kids to play with, and he will be safe. There are no doors on the bathroom stalls at the park, but the gas station closeby has a one seater with a locking door, so I can take a mental break and use the bathroom in privacy!

Problem is, with all these people around, I never know what to say. There are some now that I'm connecting with on facebook, and that's always good. Then I get a full year of certain connections, and that helps. At least then I know some things I can talk about. Many of them arent on facebook though, and that makes it interesting. I never know what to say, so sometimes theres an awkward silence.

Either way, its a good time. Many of these relatives I ONLY see at this reunion. This is the only time I ever see them. So its interesting to see how people change in 2 years, especially when we are talking about the kids. They do family pictures too, and though it's always a hassle and a madhouse, and not all the pics get taken, its really nice to have the pictures. :)

So anyway. After being there all day, I'm ready to NOT be around people. My hubby and I took a nice long walk when we got to the resort that we were spending the night at with my gpa, his gf, mom and dad, and my great aunt (gmas sister). It was nice to have some time to ourselves to vent, to talk, to connect, and just to breathe. My hubby is a lot like me in many ways, both of us need time apart from the crowd. 

But, it was good food, good company, and a good drive there and back with gpa and his gf. The benefits of driving someone; they let you use their vehicle (because it was more comfortable!) and they pay for gas. :) So it was pretty sweet. I could say more and make this more informative about Aspergers, but tonight I'm tired, its late, and I don't know what else to say.