Referred Post: MyAspieWife and Honesty

http://myaspiewife.wordpress.com/2013/02/24/autistic-people-should/

I LOVE THIS POST because its TOTALLY TRUE. I keep telling people this all the time, and it's like they don't believe me. I don't lie, and I follow the rules or whatever. I prefer to do the right thing, and I will stubbornly stick by that right thing, even if someone gets their feathers ruffled because of it. I know I'm doing the right thing, so it matters little what someone else thinks of it. It's not out of some kind of selfish drama, its sincere, and honest. Why wont people believe me when i say that?

You know why they don't believe me? Because few people are like that anymore. No one is honest all the time. No one is truthful all the time. People would rather run around offending people and insulting them than to tell them the truth. OR, people would rather lie to each other to "spare each other's feelings" than to be truthful. Think about it. When your friend asks you if you like _____, usually the answer is yes isn't it? Whether its a new haircut, or outfit, or makeup, or whatever, you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings, so you tell that "little white lie" to make her "feel good" instead of saying honestly that it isn't for you, or you don't think it ____ or whatever.

I HATE playing those kinds of games. It feels dishonest because IT IS. I'm the one that's like "Well, I'm glad you are comfortable with that, but the color makes your skin fade out" or whatever. I'm the girl who has said to MANY of my friends "That's great, but you look better without makeup". And then I'M the bad guy, I just told my friend she's ugly because I think she looks better without it? What is WITH you people? I'm not going to lie and say that I think that people with artificial color on their skin look better than people with normal color to their skin. I'm sorry, in NO EXISTENCE is blue a natural color for an eyelid, neither is green, or purple. I won't pretend it is, and I shouldn't be treated like the bad guy when I say as much.

Going off track to that subejct, you know, there's honestly two things going on here. First is that they use the makeup to cover up "blemishes". You know, if you'd stop putting that chemical mixture on your face, the blemishes would go away on their own. If you eat healthier foods, your blemishes would go away on their own. Second, they use makeup to "look fancy". Well, then you start hating your own natural appearance! You start to not like what you look like without a bunch of paint on your face. So you wear it more and more, and hate more and more what you look like without it.

I digress.

Fact of the matter is, I'm trying to build my friend UP. I'm trying to tell her that she doesn't have to spend her money on chemical mixtures and colors that aren't natural for our faces. I'm saying that her own natural skin, the body she is created with, is GOOD ENOUGH, and pretty, and beautiful. I'm the one standing there saying what society is NOT: you are good enough without the extra goop! Instead, I am treated as if I just said they were a hideous monster with huge warts and zits all over. Come off it!! I'm being honest!

People don't expect that, and they don't honestly know what to do with it when they receive it because so few people are doing it. Honesty is rare, true honesty. I would much rather my friend tell me that an outfit or look or hairstyle just isn't for me, than to have them lie to my face and then make fun of me behind my back or something. I like honesty. I sense something is amok when I am lied to, though I usually don't know what it is. That causes discomfort for me, and causes me to put distance between me and that person. Wouldn't you rather be known as a person of honesty than a person who just always "makes someone else feel good"? I'm sorry, to be lied to doesn't feel good!

I'm Not Making This Up

So, I'm injured.

Seriously. I have pain in my thumb, and its sincerely there. Sometimes its aweful, so bad I can't move my thumb without severe pain. Sometimes it doesn't seem like there is any pain at all. It doesn't make sense, it doesn't seem to hurt worse in the morning and get better, it just hurts when I move a certain way, or put any pressure on it at all (as in opening something, pushing something, that kind of pressure, muscular pressure, not pushing on it or something.)

This is more frustrating at work. I like what I do. I like the different cleaning, ironing and etc that I do. And I can't do much of it without pain. This is very frustrating.

More frustrating is that all I can think about is not to complain too much because I don't want people to think that I'm making it up for attention or to get out of doing certain jobs or doing the work. Remember, I like what I do. I don't want them to not let me do something, or for them to be unable to ask me to do something because I have some sort of disability or pain.

But the pain is sincerely there. It really exists. I'm not making it up. In fact, even if I HATED the work, I still would be unable to make something up to get out of doing it. What do I have to gain in a job by doing that? Nothing. I don't make drama, I don't make stuff up.

So why do I feel as if people might think I do? Why SHOULD I have to feel as if they think I do?

I know that other people make drama, make stuff up, make up excuses not to work, or not to do certain parts of the work. I don't care, usually im happy to do just about anything they ask me to do at work, even work later than the rest to get some more hours in.

Anyway. I'm just venting that I have this thought in my head that someone might think I'm making this up. I'm just not capable of doing it, and the fact that I'm so aware of it should be a good indicator that I'm on the right track here. I'm aware others do it, and I don't want to play those games.


***** Addition August 2 2012 (original post Aug 1 2012)
I also don't often cry wolf. I have been accused of being a wimp about this. If this were a temporary cramp or something like that, I would probably blow it off. I would do what I've been doing, rub it, rest it, stuff like that. I am not making this up; it HURTS. There are times when it feels ok, but it still hurts. Then there are times like yesterday when its seriously excruciating. I know that it is ok to feel things! Feeling pain does not equal weakness.
Just had to add that. ;)

Employment and My Aspergers

See, I'm the kind of person who isn't really physically and mentally able to work very often.
This isn't because I'm lazy, or something. But the actual process of getting up, handing my son over to someone else (even if it's family), going to work, arriving (you have no idea how much arriving bothers me), doing the job, waiting for the end of it all, and going home..... It's all just a lot to take in.

Typically, when I do work, (like I do currently), I work part time, and jobs that are "background work" type jobs like dishwashing, cooking, or cleaning. These jobs require interaction, but the interaction is controlled - the same people every day, you know. Customer service is not my skill; I don't like dealing with strangers, and I don't like serving customers, pretending to be so cheery.... its not that I can't be a cheery person, I just don't pretend to be when I'm not.

However "controlled" the interaction is, it is far from ideal. It isn't like I can choose people I work with, nor can I choose whether they like me, get along with me, or make me comfortable.
Typically there will be a "situation", and that situation can make me really uncomfortable moving forward, and though I know that the only way to get past the discomfort I feel is to put some positive interaction into the situation, I am not able to do this. I am always left thinking that they are still mad at me, or they won't give me the chance, or something. I am not able to be the one to make the first move to "fix" the discomfort.

I posted a link in the post before this one. One of the things on the list was that I do not do drama. I do not lie. I do not make stuff up. I say what I mean. I don't play a lot of games. However, the unfortunate thing is that there are so many people, especially girls, who just loooove drama. They loooove to play games. They love to make more out of something that there is. They love to assume that just because I did X I really mean Y. Hello? Doesn't anybody know that I say what I mean, mean what I say? Why does everyone else's lies have to make me a liar when that is the farthest thing from my abilities!?

Anyway, the point here is that discomfort, bickering coworkers, uncomfortable situations... I have left jobs for less than that.
Sometimes I have reasons for staying. At my current job my reasons are that I get along well with the boss, and the head of housekeeping. I really get along well with them. They (seem to) trust me, they give me the flexibility I need to manage my crazy emotions and my crazy overwhelming feelings, and stuff like that. They make it really easy to work for them. I like that. I like a place that appreciates what I do, but doesn't pressure me to be this kind of person who lives to work there. They know I have a life, other responsibilities, and the tendency to be overwhelmed. 

Anyway, my point is that working and having Aspergers is really hard. It is really hard. Most of what makes it hard is working with people who don't play it straight, and assume that I don't either. Just get me. Listen to what I am saying. Believe me, I'm not going to make up some story just to make your life more difficult or something. Once we are closer friends, I'll be a little more sarcastic, but if we are not close, if we are not friends (because there's no such thing to me as only a little bit of a friend), then I'm going to be straight with you.