Eye Contact - inneraspie Blog Post

http://inneraspie.blogspot.com/2011/10/different-perspectives-eye-contact.html

I'm going to refer to another blog post today.

All I would like to add is that for me, being up front about my Aspergers, and the eye contact issue, would be the solution to many eye contact problems. I do not have a problem saying "Hey, I have Aspergers, so I'll be up front, I might not make a lot of eye contact, but I assure you, I am hearing what you are saying, and processing it, making eye contact makes this more difficult for me." or something like that.

GREAT POST above though.

Hearing Problem

I have realized that I think I have a hearing problem.

Rather, I know I can hear, and I have problems hearing. If I am in a quiet area, I usually hear pretty well. If there is any other noise, I tend not to hear anything.

I've decided that basically, I hear all the sounds around me. They are all coming in at once, I can't filter, I can't really pick and choose what comes in and what doesn't. I hear them all. However, I can also tune things out! This is great, except that when I tune things out, I cannot hear anything else either. 

Some of the fridges at work beep if they have their doors open longer than a few minutes. I can tune this out, but I tune out anyone talking to be also. It is either all, or nothing. :P

So. If you talk to me and I don't answer, its because I'm tuned out.

Frustrating Times

Lots of stuff going on lately. I haven't had time to post, and I shouldn't be posting now because it's so late.

I am having to working 6 days this week.
Well, 5 1/2 because yesterday (sunday) I left at lunch to go home and paint the living room. Which is another issue.

Things have been stressful. We've been planning this painting for a long time and it's good to have it all done. We still have a lot of work to do on the trim and stuff but the major job is finished. Some really great friends drove 2 hrs one way with their 4 kids to come up and help us! (You don't know who you're true friends are until you need help!)

Well we slept in the house last night and everything seemed fine. Though today I'm not so sure they are. B ended up sick this afternoon/night. With what he has been able to describe and based on his odd behavior otherwise and lack of fever or whatnot, I think there is a paint inhalation issue. So we just escaped to my inlaws house for fresh air to hope that helps!

But between the stress of that job, the house being torn apart with stuff everywhere, and knowing I have to work 6 days in a row, and likely next week too.... I am a bit stressed and I think that is rubbing off on B. there have been times he has been sick before where excitement or anxiety has seemed to be the only reason he was sick. High strung maybe. It's a family trait. Lol.

So I'm hoping that it doesn't happen anymore. The poor kid. And the poor mama racking my brain trying to figure out what the problem might be, what to do, if a trip to the ER 45+ minutes away is worth it or necessary... I guess we will see.

I'm going to be so exhausted when this week is over. Come to think of it I'm already exhausted and I'm only at day 2.

Reunions...

My dad's family has a reunion every 2 years. It's a pretty nice get-together. The oldest generation is my grandma's siblings, and the youngest would be her great grandchildren! It is pretty impressive. Since the "heads" of the family (as far back as we go on the family tree) are Helen and Fred, my grandma's parents, that makes for 5 generations of Parker relatives! This year there were something like 80 of us which is a rather small number compared to other years.

I still have a lot of reservations about reunions. It's a huge crowd of people. A ton of them. Of all ages. Many of them know me, but a lot of times I forget who they are. I know the faces a lot of the time, but the names escape me. Basically, the only way I survive the weekend is because I know its coming, I'm well aware that its coming. I am mentally prepared for a ton of people, I know the park that its in well now, I know that there's plenty for our son to do, other kids to play with, and he will be safe. There are no doors on the bathroom stalls at the park, but the gas station closeby has a one seater with a locking door, so I can take a mental break and use the bathroom in privacy!

Problem is, with all these people around, I never know what to say. There are some now that I'm connecting with on facebook, and that's always good. Then I get a full year of certain connections, and that helps. At least then I know some things I can talk about. Many of them arent on facebook though, and that makes it interesting. I never know what to say, so sometimes theres an awkward silence.

Either way, its a good time. Many of these relatives I ONLY see at this reunion. This is the only time I ever see them. So its interesting to see how people change in 2 years, especially when we are talking about the kids. They do family pictures too, and though it's always a hassle and a madhouse, and not all the pics get taken, its really nice to have the pictures. :)

So anyway. After being there all day, I'm ready to NOT be around people. My hubby and I took a nice long walk when we got to the resort that we were spending the night at with my gpa, his gf, mom and dad, and my great aunt (gmas sister). It was nice to have some time to ourselves to vent, to talk, to connect, and just to breathe. My hubby is a lot like me in many ways, both of us need time apart from the crowd. 

But, it was good food, good company, and a good drive there and back with gpa and his gf. The benefits of driving someone; they let you use their vehicle (because it was more comfortable!) and they pay for gas. :) So it was pretty sweet. I could say more and make this more informative about Aspergers, but tonight I'm tired, its late, and I don't know what else to say.

Providing a Reason for the Characteristics of Aspergers Syndrome

I'm going to try to post some things using the book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" as a guide. This is from page 89.

"An option for adults is not to seek elusive programs that may take decades to achieve success, but simply to aquire a means of explaining why an attribute of Asperger's syndrome is confusing to friends, colleagues or acquaintances. For example, the person with Asperger's syndrome may not look at the other person as much as would be expected in a conversation, and especially when answering a question. Rather than undertake a program to know when to look at someone and read facial expressions, I recommend explaining the avoidance of eye contact: for example, 'I need to look away to help me concentrate on answering your question. I am not being rude, dishonest or disrespectful.' When talking about a special interest that is likely to be perceived as boring, the person with Asperger's syndrome may say, before starting the monologue, 'Sometimes I talk too much about my interests. If I am boring you, please ask me to stop. I will not think you are being rude.' The person creates a spoken Social Story for typical people to explain what appears to be eccentric or rude behavior.
When given a succinct and accurate explanation, the typical person can be less confused by and more tolerant of the characteristics of Asperger's syndrome. The person with Asperger's syndrome may need some guidance in thinking of an explanation. However, I have noted that the parent or partner of an adult with Asperger's syndrome may have been providing such explanations to other people for many years."

I find this really accurate, for me at least. Although I don't have very many people who say anything about my lack of eye contact, at least some must be thinking about it, because I know I am. I think about it when I'm NOT making eye contact and I think about it when I DO make eye contact. It makes little difference. I have noticed that I make a ton more eye contact when the other person is talking. I make drastically less to none when I am responding. 

Special interests. What can I say about special interests that hasn't already been said! 

I definitely have that going on. Inside, I don't want to be thought of as a "know it all" - I've been called that before, and it was a part of what made the other kids pick on me in school. This also apparently leads to my knowledge being completely ignored and definitely not respected by others, because I have a lot of strong, passionate feelings about my special interests. It would be great (and is great) when I have someone say "You know, I love and am supported by what you are saying" because it validates my special interest. It is the people who are rejecting of it that end up making me feel uncomfortable. Even if you don't agree, acknowledging that I have good, valid thoughts helps me feel as if what I'm saying or talking about is valued.

Knowing I do have the knowledge, I have used giving the reason for a characteristic before. I have told people, for example, that I will not offer them information on a topic unless they ask me for it. This way, I can rein in my thoughts and I hope that they feel that they are safe to ask me for advice or information. Unfortunately, I haven't had anyone actually take me up on it, which still ends up making me feel as if they don't value my opinion anyway, even if I have been sensible about not giving it if they didn't want it. Basically, it seems they didn't want it at all, and are glad to now not have to hear it.
Sigh. How complicated.