Hate Going To Town?

Are you the kind of person who hates going to town? Do you get irritable and overwhelmed? 

I have found that going shopping alone is a lot harder than going shopping with someone. When someone is with me, I know I have help, an extra hand, an extra voice. Someone to help me maintain some sanity.

This can't be just anyone, it has to be someone I'm close enough to. I have to feel comfortable with them and feel safe enough to trust them with my kid. So far, right now, I only have my husband for that job! 

I LOVE when my husband comes to town with me. I just love it. I love him of course, but I love that he is there for me to lend a helping hand, to carry bags and hold a kid. :P 

If you get overwhelmed, go with a friend or wait until you can bring your spouse with you! It really takes the sensory overload down a lot.

Believe Me

So, if there's something I can't stand, it's when people don't believe me.

It doesn't mean if it's a friend, or someone important like a doctor. Usually if I say something, I know what I'm talking about because I've looked into it. And I'm probably making a rather educated guess thats more right than you think. If you don't know, just say you don't know. Don't sit there and claim you know and that I have nothing to worry about. Because that's the attitude I've gotten, and guess what, I'm still right about this. No one wants to listen, and that is so frustrating. Mom's gut instinct is right more often than anyone else. Especially when theres no harm in listening to me and doing what I ask. Now its going to be much more work because no one listened. 

That is all.

The Gut and Autism

This is meant to be brief, to get some words down and get on with the day.

I've been thinking a lot about the talk and research on the gut (intenstines and digestive system) and autism. There's a lot out there to say that there is a connection. Of course, everyone will nod and agree that what affects one part of your body affects the entire body. But what could be causing these gut issues that could play a role in autism?

Obviously food is one thing that everyone focuses on. GMOs, hormone fed animals, too many carbs, not enough carbs, starting solids too early, starting solids too late, gassy foods, gluten... there are a lot of foods out there that people claim are good, or bad, or too much of them, or something. 

Then there's other effects like colic, and what on earth that is, and where does it come from. 

There's all kinds of reasons for babies to be accosted from birth with all kinds of things they can't handle like physical problems like tongue ties to allergies to something mom is eating (if breastfeeding), to allergies to formula (if formula fed), to environmental things like smoking or something to city pollution and then as they grow up the effect of those same foods listed above....

It seems too much to think of.

One thing is for sure; autism isn't going away. And though I can't speak for all adults with autism, I think a lot of us resent the fact that everyone seems focused on cures, whether with treatments and therapies to special diets. Sure, if you think that it's healthy for your child and family and you can manage it, then fine, but to claim that this is "the cure" for it is insulting to those of us who are functioning adults, or even just happy and content the way we are, and not viewing autism as something to be cured or fixed or therapied out of us.

So many people told me that I did not have aspergers because I "seem so normal". The thing is, treatment or not, we do grow up and function in society. There are probably just as many of us adults out there as there are kids with autism, we just aren't diagnosed and pushed into therapies to teach us how to act and be like everybody else. I wonder what long term affect these therapies could have on autistic children as they grow up - always being told as adults that they have to manage their symptoms and ignore their stimming and join the rat race of a world, all leading to crashes, meltdowns and probably a lot more than that because we were told and convinced that we could do it... but we just can't. We have weaknesses that are different from the rest of the world, but we have strengths that they don't have as well. We need people out there teaching us to find and encouraging us to use those strengths, instead of pushing us to be like everybody else through therapies and diets.

Max. Heartbreaking. Story of my life.

http://tmblr.co/ZCSBau1AyhWvD

This is a show on television. It is written and acted out. So people can easily assume that it is maybe sorta based on real life, but mostly fictional.

I'm here to tell you that nothing about how Max has been treated is fictional. These things happen. Probably every single day somewhere there is a kid being bullied like this. And its even more likely if that kid is on the spectrum.

I tend to be trusting of people. This characteristic gets me into some pretty interesting situations. You would think that trusting people would be rewarded with honest and kind friendships and people who trust me as much as I trust them. So far, I haven't found that to be the case very often.

When I was in school, I didn't even know I had Aspergers. I don't even remember it being on my radar. It wasn't talked about in the news as some 'epidemic'. No one talked about it and no one seemed to have been diagnosed with it (though I have noticed there are so many adults being diagnosed as adults, and I know there are a huge percentage that aren't and won't be diagnosed). 

When I was in school, those were MY FEELINGS.
If I'm so smart, why don't I know why they are laughing at me? Why don't I know why they are picking on me? Why me? What, is there a kick me sign on my back? 

And yes, EVEN THE NICE KIDS.

Which, I suppose, makes them not nice kids doesn't it. They thought because they weren't druggies getting suspended or detention that they were the good kids. They thought that because they were getting good grades, or on the sports team, that they were the good kids. I'm here to tell you that there are fewer good kids than it appears. The good kids are overrated, because they can be just as mean and bully just as well as anybody else. Only its worse because I trusted them. I trusted that they WEREN'T the ones teasing me. I thought that they were the ones who might defend me or even stand up for me when things happened. I was shocked to see them actually joining the bullying instead of sticking up for me. And I was heartbroken. Every time I was left confused and wondering what was happening, and how it was happening. Weren't they supposed to be the nice kids? Aren't the nice kids supposed to step in or something when I need help? That's what makes them nice kids right?

These are the kids who got credit for a peer helpers group that really didn't exist (it was something to write on a college application and something to get out of class to be in the yearbook photo for). These kids got awards and scholarships based on their "service in the community", when really that mean they played sports and entertained us 4 times a week. 

Kids cannot really be held responsible, can they? What kid would actually step into a group of angry teenagers beating on (physically or mentally) another student? What kid can actually be expected to be brave enough to put themselves and their reputation on the line for the loser? It might be social suicide I suppose. And it's scary. That means putting yourself physically on the line for someone else. What if they turn on you instead? What if they beat you up, or reject you? Then what? Then you're stuck alone and rejected too. 

It's terribly sad. And teachers can't be everywhere every second either. 

I don't have any solutions unfortunately. I don't really know anyone who does. Even homeschooling you are going to eventually meet that person who uses you and tosses you like a piece of trash. I guess that maybe if you have a strong family backing you up, maybe it doesn't hurt so bad. But not a lot of kids have that either.

Point is, things like what happened to Max, and his resulting feelings and hurts, those are real. I felt my own pain as real as if it were happening as I watched that scene. It was beautiful and raw, and so realistic. It was all that it should be. Every school should be showing that kind of story as some kind of life skills class or something. Every student should see the results of their actions. I don't think it would cut deep enough though, just showing one little show/episode/scene. But something needs to happen. I just don't know what. 

This is what we with Aspergers face. And if you think it stops at graduation, you're wrong. I've encountered this kind of thing in every college I've been at (3), and as an adult I've seen it more times than I can believe. It's frustrating. Unlike kids, adults should know better and have a better control over their actions or reactions. Adults should be able to stop themselves and realize that what they are doing is wrong. But sadly, there are plenty who don't. 

Another Referral on Parenthoods "The Offer"

Thank you for this post as well. Referring:

http://www.vulture.com/2014/03/parenthood-recap-season-5-max-meltdown.html