Post Holiday Meltdown

You know that feeling you would get after being on your feet all day? Can you imagine how you would feel if you just got up tomorrow and walked or even ran all a full 20 miles or something? (Assuming you don't really like to do that sort of thing on a daily basis or something.)

Well, the post holiday exhaustion for someone with autism is kinda like that. Just an all consuming, full out exhaustion. 

Now, I'm practically 8 months pregnant, so maybe this year its just stronger than normal. But I'm pretty sure my 9 year old son is not pregnant, and he is acting more exhausted than usual.

The fact of the matter is, socializing is exhausting for most people with autism. Several days in a row of high intense activity and socializing can wear on your emotions and strength. It's been almost non stop since Friday, even though we haven't had a totally crazy time or anything, it's still been overwhelming and exhausting.

I'm not the napping kind much anymore. Naps set me off and make me feel funny most of the time. But on days like today, I just can't keep my eyes open! I had a "half nap" on the couch tonight. I say half because I still had one ear open for a child. :P

Anyway, I feel a little better and can keep my eyes open. But I am still worn. I could go to bed now if it weren't so depressing to do so. (It's only 8 pm). 

We have to start getting back into the grind of some homeschooling before this baby is born so we can get through 4 weeks before the arrival. I hope that we both can get through this little hump so that tomorrow we will be able to get to the work and get done well. 

It's just a simple fact that all the stimulation and action has an effect later on. You might not get to see it, but just because it doesn't happen when you're around doesn't mean it doesn't happen. In fact, it's probably normal that you don't see it, because usually it happens when the person feels the most safe and the action has actually decreased. It's like we hold it in until you aren't around anymore. We maintain our sense of ability until it's over and then the whole world crashes around us. Everything else stops. I get my house back cleaned and in order and then CRASH! The exhaustion takes over everything and no one around here is good to talk to anymore lol!

Anyway. It's real, it's true, exciting times lead to difficult exhaustion later on. It's just a part of life, and the more we adjust and accept it, the better we will fair in life in general. If we expect it, and prepare for it, we will be able to pass through it better than if we try to fight it and avoid it. You can't avoid it. Your body is still going to shut down and quit at some point, just let it, and it will be over with.

Feeling Things Differently

I've been having a lot of french toast lately.

I wouldn't call it a "craving" though. In fact, during none of my pregnancies would I say I had a specific craving for anything in particular. With them all I wanted sugar, but I'm kinda a sugarholic to begin with. With my son I couldn't even stand the smell of meat, and with my daughter I didn't mind it. This pregnancy I have no meat aversions.

But never was there something I wanted so desperately and couldn't have it (besides the sugar, believe me, I know how bad it is...)

But I've been having french toast a lot lately. Even when I was taken out for dinner last night, I had french toast. Today for lunch I had leftover french toast. We had french toast for breakfast both Saturday and Sunday morning. 

Is that a craving?

In my previous labors, everyone always talks about how excruciating it is. I had 2 natural births, and I don't remember excruciating. I remember uncomfortable and hard work, but it was more compared to me running a marathon (and anyone who knows me should know how much I looooove running *sarcasm). 

Maybe I'm just lucky. I did have rather short births that I started out dilating weeks ahead of time for. With both I was nearly 4-5 cms before I was feeling much besides the normal tightning. Which also reminds me of people talking about how braxton hicks were so painful, and mine are nothing more than tightning or a slight ache, nothing I would even compare to having a period to be honest.

Is there just something about it, or does it really vary that much? I mean, I know that I think of things differently, I think about different things, I know I'm different because of my autism. I know many people with autism feel the same way. 

But is it different enough that literally there are physical differences that we don't feel sensations of life the same as everyone else? I'm sure not all autistic people have "low pain" births like I have. Maybe some are on the complete other end of the spectrum completely.

What I'm saying is maybe its possible that our brains take in ALL sensory information differently enough that we have a completely different life experience because of our brain differences? Literally having physical life experiences are different, either good or bad, because of our autism?

I don't know the answer. I know some people are affected by sound, like my son. I know sometimes when my brain is overwhelmed, I have a harder time with sound too. Most of the time though I'm just very hard of hearing. 

Anyway, it was just something I thought of today and figured I would write. I know it's been a while again. I just have been so distracted I haven't thought of much to say.

Thanks, and Merry Christmas!