Crying

I have never understood that whole "cry it out" method thing.

Even when I was a little kid, I could not STAND hearing a baby cry. I would rather hold any baby for any amount of time, than hear them cry. Everything in my heart, soul and body cries out to stop the baby's sad cries. 

This, of course, has carried over to parenting. We have only used any version of CIO once or twice with our kids and that was times where we were at our wits end or something, and we could properly judge that it was the best thing in that situation, and when we got our ears back we went back for that baby! 

However, there are some times where the crying will not stop. I'd still rather a baby cry in the arms of their loving parents than alone. 

But what I am specifically getting at today is a kind of crying that is unlike any other. That crying is due to night terrors! 

Night terrors are when a baby or child wakes up crying, and seemingly will not stop. This can last from 10 minutes or longer, and usually happen to kids under 5. There also appears to be a genetic connection, just like autism, which does not surprise me. I also wonder if there isn't a connection to autism itself. 

There have been the same suggestions to how to deal with this for many years. It seems they know no more now than they did when I was a kid, or even before. 

One way of dealing with it is if your kid is a repeat night terror kid, to wake them up before they would wake up with the terror. So if your child usually has a night terror about an hour after they go to sleep, you would get the up about 45 minutes after they go to sleep, and take them to the bathroom or give them a drink. Just something little that is enough to maybe break the cycle of the terror and maybe avoid it. 

There was a period of time with my son where we would wake him up and take him to the bathroom before I went to bed. That seemed to work. Also, for a while when he was potty training, if he woke with the night terror and I took him to the bathroom, it would almost seem as if that was the cause (at least at that point), and it would cut it short or stop it. 

But I would also like to say again as I was in the beginning of this post, I can't stand the crying. And having no real way of stopping it makes it even more frustrating for me. I just want my babies happy and peaceful, and a night terror is neither of those! They're worked up, and I get worked up, and no one is having a good time and sadly there's not a whole lot one can do! I have tried with my daughter taking her to the potty and she cried even harder (and didnt potty either). 

It is pretty confusing too because their eyes might be open and they might actually act and look like they are awake, so if you try to ask what is wrong you get to convincing yourself they could actually answer (and they can't)! And all you want in that moment is for them to tell you what is wrong, so you can make it better!

Sometimes it almost looks like they can see something scary! I will tell you that I have often used prayer and talking to Jesus to get through this because it sometimes seems so convincing that they are seeing something I can't see. That, in and of itself, is pretty freaking terror inducing, even for me. But the good news is that if and when I finally think of that solution, it usually does the trick. Strange.

Anyway, I just feel so badly for babies, kids, and people in general who have tears. Sometimes I don't know how to react to someone crying, especially if I don't know someone well. I don't want to seem strange or make someone uncomfortable, or them mad at me for stepping over a boundary. With kids, though, there usually isn't the same hesitation, I feel deep sadness for them and my heart just aches. Of course, worse with my own kids.

I'm going to assume its a sound sensitivity. LOL

SO COOL

I just want to post this here because I don't ever want to lose it. I hope it works posting it this way.

This could be a great calmer, not just to watch, but in person.

https://www.facebook.com/Arch2OMagazine/videos/951793981498629/

It's All On You - When & How The Medical Approach Doesn't Work

I don't know why I am still surprised when people, especially those in the medical related field, don't understand autism. For some reason I keep thinking with all the people out there talking about it now, that the medical community would actually be listening and making note of the things being said BY AUTISTICS. Unfortunately, it seems as if none of this is actually happening. I don't care how many times you hear "autism awareness", people dont UNDERSTAND autism, even though almost every single person is "aware" of it. 

Most of the frustration I have that they don't understand it comes when I'm having an issue. Now, for a NT person, they have their standard protocol of medication or doing this or doing that. However, those things do not work for people with autism, for the most part. Autism requires another angle, another perspective, and a greater understanding on the part of the medical professional. It requires they break out of their mold, and think about it as an individual case, instead of a "this is what we always do in this case" way. My brain is literally, physically different than an NT person, and using the same approach to a brain issue is not going to serve me the same way. 

Also, as a constant learner or seeker of learning, I am always looking for answers on my own. I am not the kind of person who shows up at the doctors, takes their advice or suggestions or words as THE ANSWER, and goes home satisfied. More often than not, I am left disappointed, discouraged, and this lingering feeling that I was not heard, understood or served from an individual point of view. Time after time I show up with a concern, they run it through their mental database, give me their standard solution or suggestion, and close the case as solved, meanwhile I'm left with the struggle and a gut feeling that there is more to it than that. I don't fit into their perfect little medical manuals. The answers to the problems I have won't be found in their books, because people like me aren't found in their books.

I wish I could change the world, and make the medical community actually open up more to autistics, listen to what we have to say, and actually adjust their policy, protocols and "solutions" to the things we want and need, instead of just tossing us in the batch with all the other NT people. There are so many of us out there talking right now, and it seems like we should be heard and treated as the authorities of our condition. We should be the experts in the field, not some medical doctor who spent thousands in school to book-learn what we LIVE. WE should be qualified to speak on our own behalf, to explain what it is like for us, and to be treated differently based on those experiences, not just thrown in the batch and treated as if all solutions affect us equally as NTs. We are literally different. All people are different, but autistics are different in very specific ways. I feel frustrated that we know this, but the medical field will take decades to catch up to what we are already saying. They rely so much on their precious research, that they forget to treat us based on our needs TODAY, simply because they don't have the "documented proof" that we are different enough to deserve it. 

I've seen picture after picture of how the brain activity in autistics is different than in NT people. I think it should be easy then to determine, then, that our brain's physical and chemical structures are different enough to deserve different approaches. So you might think my depression needs medication, but you don't really know or understand what it feels like to me, personally, to even consider being on a brain altering drug, not to mention how it feels to actually be on it. You cannot and will not convince me that a drug will help when it actually increases my anxiety and depression to even consider being on it, and then those feelings are just confirmed by actually taking it. The one thing I need LESS of when I'm in a down period is something that makes me feel worse. 

We are VERY smart people. We know what is available to us. We are not afraid of or ashamed of asking for those things if we feel we need something more. But when we say we DON'T want it, DO NOT PRESS US. We are smart. We will ask for it if we need it. Health is about more than just what you normally think or do, it is about making us feel like we are the ones doing the choosing, that we are the ones controlling our own health. You have to give us the freedom to initiate those things, or else it feels forced and unwelcomed. It also undermines your authority on the topic because you don't make us feel as if you are listening to our concerns at all, only that you're throwing your standard answer at us and expecting it to be the end all to the problem.

Anyway. When it comes to your health, or dealing with the medical community, you as the autistic are the sole authority in the situation. You know how you feel, you know your needs, and you have to be your own advocate. You have to say no when you know it won't benefit you, you have to say yes when you know it will, and you have to give yourself time sometimes to consider it, bounce it around your head, and own it. Yes, sometimes they are right, and things will be better, but sometimes you are an individual and you know yourself, much better than they ever will. Don't be afraid to do what's best for you, even if it doesn't jive with what they think. It's all on YOU.