Overwhelmed Exhaustion

I haven't written anything here in a while. I haven't had anything really significant to say I guess. 

I have had this exhaustion. I am some days trying to play catch up to myself. I do really good some days getting things done, but other days, baby just wants me to hold her and I am just going to follow those cues. SOMEONE has to tell me to chill out sometimes, right? I just feel some days an overwhelming sense of exhaustion and I had been trying to fight it, trying to make it through the exhausted parts and into the part where I've done it all that day. I need to keep learning to back off on myself! Sometimes the list will still have to-dos on it tomorrow. It's probably never going to feel "okay" to me, but I need to learn to stop and put myself and other things first regardless of what the to-dos say.

So I've been baby holding, and dealing with the big boy too. We are doing rather well for the most part, and dealing with the issues that we run across one at a time. Baby is growing like a weed, but we still have something to clear up and hopefully we will have that all taken care of next week. Hopefully this takes care of the issues and we can move on to other worries and issues. It's always something, but at least this something has a solution. 

Anyway, what's new out there?

Focus

right now, my computer screen looks something like this:

In addition, the little space at the bottom flashes. It is showing the top portion of my screen.

Annoying? Yes.

The biggest problem is that I am trying to get done with a few things on here so I can shut it off and get away from the computer today. Unfortunately, this flashy little bar is so distracting, that I am having a very hard time doing anything. 

My brain just can't handle that much input. It's already bad enough, but honestly, this little bar is so annoying, and I have no idea why it's there or what to do to make it go away. GO AWAY FLASHY BAR!!

Sheldon In Real Life

Why do we like Sheldon so much?

I find this chart rather correct. We all like Sheldon, a lot. (Even though on a certain topic I agree more with the character of his mother more than him ;))

But WHY? WHY do people think Sheldon is so funny? I find him funny because often I have the same opinion on things as he does. However, I am typically ridiculed for those feelings or beliefs, while we laugh at Sheldon. Maybe people don't take him seriously? Maybe it is okay in "make believe" on a television show, but its not okay in real life to have those same beliefs? 

Sheldon is often more concerned with the facts or truth and not so much for people's feelings. He says what he feels is right or true regardless of whether or not its going to hurt someone if he says it. Then everyone laughs. But what happens in real life is that we are told that we are insensitive, rude, or people just get offended and argue with us. We are insulted and ridiculed. We are shunned and rejected. There's no laugh track. There's no smiles or understanding. There isn't even anyone who stops and asks us if we mean this or that, they just assume that we mean the worst, that we are purposely insulting them or something. 

Is it the medium with which it is written? Is it because it is written for a comedic sitcom that we laugh? Or could we start to see the same things as funny in real life, instead of taking it so seriously? Why is a character that is only pretend understood and enjoyed as much as Sheldon is? And then, why aren't people who are just like him in real life understood at all? Why don't people even try to understand us? Is it because it's more work than just being offended and angry?

I think in real life people are socially lazy. Sure, I might not be socially appropriate at all times, but I have to work HARD to even try in the first place. NT people apparently don't have to work hard at it normally, but more often than not when they do, they don't care about people enough to work harder at communicating more sensibly. 

I know it's just a TV show, but consider the implications in real life. In TV land, it would kill the show and the story if Sheldon were to move out, or Leonard to move out. It would no longer be funny or entertaining. But in real life, people do not live with people who act that way very long. Both roommates that I had in college were really quick to run out the door. The one roommate that never ran was just as introverted and unusual as I am (and I don't think she has any problem with that). I was better off rooming by myself, and I think I was lucky enough to be able to do that in my 2nd year of college. It took me years and the ability to look at the situations through the lens of Aspergers for me to realize just what went wrong with those girls, and that it wasn't all my fault. It was less that I had done something wrong, and more that I am quirky and a lot of people have a hard time dealing with that. (It should be said that, if I remember right, both those girls had never shared a room with anyone growing up either.)

That's just one example. It seems that for the most part, the storylines are believable and relateable. I do find the social situations a bit unbelievable at times because I know in real life most people are not that understanding. I only wish I had a close group of friends as he does, who accepted me as easily and completely despite all my inadequacies in social rules.  I do have friends, but I am typically misunderstood or have my words taken the wrong way. I feel as if I am playing catch up to explain myself, when Sheldon doesn't seem to have to do that. 

Anyway, if you know a Sheldon, please work a little harder at social interaction. You might have to swallow your words sometimes, and take a breath and not jump off the cliff thinking you know that they meant something insulting.

Sleepovers

How do Aspies deal with sleepovers?

I honestly do not remember how I ever did, IF I ever did. I wasn't the kind of person who was invited to go places very often. I do remember a few birthday parties that I went to. One, everyone decided to go snowmobiling, and I didn't think that it was an appropriate activity for a bunch of kids our age to be doing alone and in the dark. Another, everyone else decided to watch a movie that I was sure my mom didn't like, so I went in the other room and played by myself while they watched the movie. (I still havent watched that movie to this day to be honest. It was only Coneheads, but I haven't ever seen it.)

My son is having trouble with sleepovers. He is absolutely fine if the sleepover is at his own house, but to sleep over at someone else's house is a major undertaking for him. First and foremost seem to be the smell of other people's houses gets to him. Or whether or not the house is organized and neat, or not so much. Then there is the food that is served. Though those things are usually not even on the radar at home, when he goes somewhere else they are on the forefront of his mind. I know that the people he sleeps over with are not necessarily offended by his comments, but I am starting to see that he doesn't realize that those comments could be insulting. 

So how did you, or your Aspie kids, deal with sleepovers?

We Are Sheldon

Forgive me if this is a repeat.

But we are Sheldon.

I won't say that every Aspie is like Sheldon, or even knows who Sheldon is.

But when Sheldon goes off on a tangent about why his routine cannot be changed, I think of us. And when I am resistant to changes in my schedule, I think of Sheldon. And I'm starting to think my son has the same tendencies. He recently had HIS personal plans smashed, and changed, and he LOST IT, even though the replacement plans were awesome. He did enjoy himself and was fine, but the first initial moments, and several moments over a few hours he was still resistant to the awesome, fun change.

Anyway.

Overwhelmed = Time To Go Home

For the first time ever, our phones got shut off because of a huge bill paying mess.

Without going into too much detail, a check was mailed, and it was cashed on July 19th, but it was not posting to our account. I've called a bunch of times to try to figure it out, they kept giving us extensions and pretty much telling us it takes 10 days to process checks. The last time I called, I was told that from the time a check is cashed through your bank, it takes 10 more business days to post. That wouldn't be until this Friday. NOW I'm told that it shouldn't take that long, that now they need to do a lost payment case, and I have to have a copy of the cashed check faxed to them. I don't fully know when this will be resolved, but I find it extremely frustrating that they have their money, yet I'm being penalized with no service until they can find their mistake. I'M the one who's guilty until I do the work to prove to them otherwise.

Needless to say, after standing at the store for maybe an hour talking to customer service, getting disconnected and having to call back again and tell the story all over again, and talking to a supervisor who apparently has no power whatsoever and cannot turn the service back on without the payment being made.... I am completely and totally spent for the day. I could probably go to bed right now and sleep until morning. 

I've often read of Aspies being completely overwhelmed by situations and being totally out of it and wiped out afterwards, but I find that rarely do those things happen to me. I am almost obsessed with making sure that everything is taken care of, even to the point where I ignore other things or overstress it so much that I ignore other things until I make sure everything is ok. I have a need to control all the balls in my world, and rarely do I drop the balls. I do a really good job normally.

This situation was beyond my control. Totally and completely out of my control. I could not do anything about getting the payment in sooner (and not only because I didn't have the money), so the payment being this late was pretty much something I had no control over, yet I and my husband are now being penalized for it. Due to some other factor, now we're stuck in this issue. It really hurts that I try SO HARD to keep it under control, and because of a completely uncontrollable factor, here we are. 

It's the most frustrated I have ever been about bills. We did what we could. We did EVERYTHING. A good, hardworking, honest person just can't make it anymore. 

And though I had several other things to do today, I quit. I went home. I left. I guess I have to go to town tomorrow anyway, so I will hopefully deal with it more then. But I felt so disappointed and frustrated that I couldn't get it all done today so that tomorrow wouldn't have to be so stressful.

I just hate this. And I'm totally exhausted. And now that I'm going to be gone tomorrow, I have to make sure to clean house today so that I don't have to worry about it tomorrow. Sigh. And like I said, I'm exhausted.