Saturday, July 21, 2012


Though I know my social skills are not what they should be, and I know that I don't understand a lot of the conversational games people play, or the flat out gossip games people play, I am happy for the most part with my social life. I CHOOSE not to have a ton of people in my life because I can't maintain that many friendships at a time, and honestly, I don't trust people very often. I think I have talked about how quickly I move (mentally) from meeting someone to being their full on friend, but I don't think I mentioned that this doesn't happen often, most definitely not every time.

I have a lot of people "in my life" who aren't really under the right impression about what I do and say. There are people "in my life" who don't really understand me, and whether that's because they don't want to or because I keep them at a distance I don't know.

Because of this, these people, MANY people, don't "get" the things I do or say. This means that more often than not, I say something completely innocent, and it turns into, as I read recently about something I discussed, world war 3. I used to get very emotionally involved in these discussions and I would be angry and frustrated and annoyed and sad.  I don't do this as much anymore, I've learned from the past (I hope!) and I don't take it personally as much. However, people still get all ruffled over things I say, even the most innocent things. It feels as if they prefer to think the worst of what I say, and of me, even when I have nothing but the best intentions. 

I don't always see this as an attack from the person, but there's an underlying belief that I know there is an enemy out there who is doing this through people. That's hard to say because I know that people don't believe in that. That's hard to say because I know people don't want to think that any of their actions come from the enemy, especially if they are a person who believes they are trying to follow God. However, NO ONE is at more risk of being attacked by the enemy, or used by the enemy, than someone who is trying to follow God! Someone who isn't following God is of no interest to satan, what does he care? They aren't following God. Satan's interest is to bring people away from God, not bring them to God. Anyway, I digress.

What I need people to understand is I'm sharing my ideas, thoughts, etc not because I'm looking to fight with people, I'm not looking to hurt people, I'm not looking to be a know it all. I'm not trying to prove I'm an authority of any kind on any topic.
 What I want more than anything is simply to be understood. I simply want to share a thought, and have people say "That's neat!" or "I've never read that/thought of that" or "What an interesting thought!". If people would say that, first of all, we could start any following discussion on a positive note; knowing that I was understood in the first place, and that they thought my ideas/whatnot was interesting and worthy of discussion, instead of just feeling as if they are out to prove me wrong, or looking to find a way to put me down. I guess I've never verbalized these fears really. I found myself just staring at those words. I have a fear of people arguing with me because I feel they are either trying to prove me wrong or looking for a way to put me down. 

Either way, I really just want to be understood. I don't think that this is an unrealistic feeling. I don't think that its uncommon to want understanding. I think people want the same thing from me too. Sometimes I don't see it either. I think every word people say or right should have the "intention" bubble above it. You know? A side note that tells me and them whats going on behind the words, or what the intention behind the word is.

It would be a lot easier if we would say what we mean and mean what we say. No sarcasm, no faking it.

Don't YOU just want to be understood?

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