Wednesday, April 30, 2014

BLOG REFERRAL: Do You Know What Happens To Autistic Children - Aspie Writer

I highly encourage you to visit this blog post. This is important information and everyone should read it. It is also, in my opinion, where all the other undiagnosed autistic adults are.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Being Sick Is Unacceptable

Thursday night, out of nowhere, I got sick. I thought I got motion sickness while briefly watching a home movie. But I don't think that baby and husband got motion sickness because they weren't watching it!

It's been terrible. Took over the entire weekend. Yesterday we were able to get outside, but I'm still completely exhausted at the littlest work. It's only been 4 days, so I should give myself more of a break. 

But the problem is that I don't like to get out of "routine", and being sick definintely gets me out of routine. Then I try to get right back into routine and apparently my body just isn't ready yet, and I end up feeling bad again.

So I'm hoping to start getting better rest, and start getting to feeling back to normal soon.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Blog Referral; Being Other-Abled

I have a friend who has kids who are other-abled. She wrote a blog post that I think is probably important for everyone to read.

The main point is this: Even if someone is disabled in some way, you should think of it more as other-abled. These kids and adults do have weaknesses, and those weaknesses are usually the most obvious thing about them, unfortunately. We see them based, then, on those weaknesses. It's sad, but it's true. When you see someone with paralasis, you don't think "Well, I'll bet he's a great special olympics athlete", you instead tend to think "I wonder why that poor person can't walk" or wonder what happened, or whatnot.

What we neglect to realize though is that where they are weak, they are also strong. Where you see a weakness, God has given a strength. Blind people will sometimes have stronger senses of smell or hearing than the rest of us. Each person who has a weakness has a strength in another area. People aren't disabled, they are other-abled.

Then as I think of that, I can expand my thinking to everyone. Every single person. Even people who have weaknesses that cannot easily be seen. Every person has some strength and some weakness. Where they have weakness in one area, they have strength in another. 

That reminds me of this:


1 Corinthians 12

English Standard Version (ESV)

Spiritual Gifts

12 Now concerning[a] spiritual gifts,[b] brothers,[c] I do not want you to be uninformed. You know that when you were pagans you were led astray to mute idols, however you were led. Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says “Jesus is accursed!” and no one can say “Jesus is Lord” except in the Holy Spirit.
Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to anothergifts of healing by the one Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to anotherprophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individuallyas he wills.

One Body with Many Members

12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves[d] or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.
14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is,God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single member, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts,[e] yet one body.
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.
27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, thenmiracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But earnestly desire the higher gifts.
And I will show you a still more excellent way.

We are all disabled. We are all other-abled. We need to stop seeing, judging and decided on the quality or ability someone does or doesn't have based on what you see. God doesn't make all of us prophets, He doesn't make all of us healers. He doesn't make all of us hearing or seeing. He doesn't make any of us neurotypical or autistic. And then even within those categories He doesn't make any of us high and low functioning autistic. Each person who lives has their own weaknesses, even if they are hidden. Each person has their own strength, even if they too are hidden. When you talk to or about somebody, and you think they are too other-abled to understand, you are wrong. Even people who cannot talk have feelings. Even people who don't have any way of communicating can hear and feel. I've seen stories of people with severe autism who have found ways to communicate and have feelings and reactions to what people have said when they thought they couldn't hear or understand. 

Be more careful about what you say to or about others. When you think that it doesn't matter because they can't hear you or understand you, you are wrong. They likely can hear and understand you, and even if they couldn't, God does. It hurts everyone to assume and judge the understanding of another. Even someone as seemingly "normal" as I am can sometimes not quite "get" what someone says, but still end up understanding it, and then wondering about it. Children are smarter, too, than we take them for, even "typical" children. 

I could probably go on and on connecting the dots about different things, but I wanted to just get to the point of how we view and talk about others right in front of them because we think they are too handicapped to understand. We are so wrong about this. We are so hurtful when we do things like this. Often the person or parent involved won't want to embarrass anyone by putting us in our place, but we need to be more aware, and more sensitive. Talk to and about people as if they hear you and understand you. Never assume that you can talk about or around someone them because they won't hear or understand you. You will be surprised that we have totally underestimated people who are thinking and feeling humans, just like you. Even if they have a weakness.

I hope I made sense.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Friends Or Not?

I'm not a very social person. I don't like the awkward silence because I don't know what to say, and I don't like that I don't know what to say. And I don't know whether or not the person I'm talking to has the same awkward feeling. And whether or not this totally changes who they picture me to be, and whether or not they will ever want to be with me again because I'm so awkward. 

I'm not the kind of person that requires that I see my friends a lot. In fact, I can be rather antisocial to the point where I can live right down the road and not need to see my friends for ages. However, there are times when I would really appreciate a friend, and as my friends, I expect that you should know when that is. 

When I plan some sort of party, I'd like you to come. Whether its a birthday, just a BBQ, or some kind of "buying" party, I want you there, or I wouldn't have invited you. 

Don't give me the whole "I don't know what I'll be doing that day" stuff. That right there makes me feel as if you are a very insincere friend. A real friend would put me on the calendar, even bump other things for me. Not wait until they make sure nothing else important (in other words; MORE important) than being with me is going on. I tell you, that can really make a girl feel like crap having people say they will only hang out with you if they don't have something better to do, and then finding out that they didn't have anything better to do, but just didn't want to do whatever with you. 

I get it, life happens. I've had to miss things because stuff happens. I would move heaven and earth to do and be there. I once missed a FUNERAL of a dear friend because we came down with the flu. That was the worst feeling in the world, when I really needed to be there for her family, I was so sick. Otherwise, I've put in the time, driving the miles to go the distance for friends who ended up not doing the same for me - not even once. What's the balance between giving and not expecting anything in return, and being a gullible doormat for others to just use to gain and never have to return the pleasure.

This comes on me now and then, and it seems intense for a time, and then it fades. I'll bet that 10 months out of the year I could care less who I see, if anyone at all. But there are still times when it would be nice to have friends in my life, to be there for me or celebrate or whatever. It's sad that it rarely happens. It's sad that the only people who ever see us are our parents. Well, I guess at least we have someone we can count on. I guess perhaps I shouldn't take that for granted, perhaps, but theres still no replacement for friendship. 

Anyway, I know I'm not the only lonely person out here, and I know the internet isn't to blame (hahaha). In fact, without the internet, not only would I not ever hear from my friends (or them from me), but I wouldn't be getting in touch with new friends. I have friends in my church now! I have friends who are also Aspies! I have friends that at least I can write to and they know exactly what I'm talking about (you know who you are Aspie Writer!) And that is GREAT. 

But still, having a BBQ by yourself is kinda boring.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Hate Going To Town?

Are you the kind of person who hates going to town? Do you get irritable and overwhelmed? 

I have found that going shopping alone is a lot harder than going shopping with someone. When someone is with me, I know I have help, an extra hand, an extra voice. Someone to help me maintain some sanity.

This can't be just anyone, it has to be someone I'm close enough to. I have to feel comfortable with them and feel safe enough to trust them with my kid. So far, right now, I only have my husband for that job! 

I LOVE when my husband comes to town with me. I just love it. I love him of course, but I love that he is there for me to lend a helping hand, to carry bags and hold a kid. :P 

If you get overwhelmed, go with a friend or wait until you can bring your spouse with you! It really takes the sensory overload down a lot.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Believe Me

So, if there's something I can't stand, it's when people don't believe me.

It doesn't mean if it's a friend, or someone important like a doctor. Usually if I say something, I know what I'm talking about because I've looked into it. And I'm probably making a rather educated guess thats more right than you think. If you don't know, just say you don't know. Don't sit there and claim you know and that I have nothing to worry about. Because that's the attitude I've gotten, and guess what, I'm still right about this. No one wants to listen, and that is so frustrating. Mom's gut instinct is right more often than anyone else. Especially when theres no harm in listening to me and doing what I ask. Now its going to be much more work because no one listened. 

That is all.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Gut and Autism

This is meant to be brief, to get some words down and get on with the day.

I've been thinking a lot about the talk and research on the gut (intenstines and digestive system) and autism. There's a lot out there to say that there is a connection. Of course, everyone will nod and agree that what affects one part of your body affects the entire body. But what could be causing these gut issues that could play a role in autism?

Obviously food is one thing that everyone focuses on. GMOs, hormone fed animals, too many carbs, not enough carbs, starting solids too early, starting solids too late, gassy foods, gluten... there are a lot of foods out there that people claim are good, or bad, or too much of them, or something. 

Then there's other effects like colic, and what on earth that is, and where does it come from. 

There's all kinds of reasons for babies to be accosted from birth with all kinds of things they can't handle like physical problems like tongue ties to allergies to something mom is eating (if breastfeeding), to allergies to formula (if formula fed), to environmental things like smoking or something to city pollution and then as they grow up the effect of those same foods listed above....

It seems too much to think of.

One thing is for sure; autism isn't going away. And though I can't speak for all adults with autism, I think a lot of us resent the fact that everyone seems focused on cures, whether with treatments and therapies to special diets. Sure, if you think that it's healthy for your child and family and you can manage it, then fine, but to claim that this is "the cure" for it is insulting to those of us who are functioning adults, or even just happy and content the way we are, and not viewing autism as something to be cured or fixed or therapied out of us.

So many people told me that I did not have aspergers because I "seem so normal". The thing is, treatment or not, we do grow up and function in society. There are probably just as many of us adults out there as there are kids with autism, we just aren't diagnosed and pushed into therapies to teach us how to act and be like everybody else. I wonder what long term affect these therapies could have on autistic children as they grow up - always being told as adults that they have to manage their symptoms and ignore their stimming and join the rat race of a world, all leading to crashes, meltdowns and probably a lot more than that because we were told and convinced that we could do it... but we just can't. We have weaknesses that are different from the rest of the world, but we have strengths that they don't have as well. We need people out there teaching us to find and encouraging us to use those strengths, instead of pushing us to be like everybody else through therapies and diets.