Sunday, September 30, 2012

Can't You Take A Joke?

So, I'd like to mention a bit of a thing that's getting to me lately.

I think I'm a funny person. I like a joke. I enjoy a laugh!

However, if you are going to say something that's not obviously funny, it's likely I am not going to get it.

It's mostly the sarcasm/picking on  that I don't get.

So, if you were to say "It's ham sandwiches for lunch..." (knowing I don't eat ham of any kind...), I am not going to think that its a joke.
Until I realize it is NOT ham sandwiches. Then its like, "oh, missed that one...".

So. Be obvious...!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Invisible Differences

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I routinely teach kids/adults I see about the dangerousness of Invisible Differences. Teaching this concept explains: 1) Why adults have treated them poorly 2) Why they should still trust certain adults 3) The importance of learning to self-advocate.


Friday, September 21, 2012

Aspies & Empathy: "Aspies Do Not Lack Empathy; We Crave It" - Aspiewriter

Once again, I'm posting another blog post by Aspiewriter!
There's a reason she's a writer. She's got the words. Some of the things she has written lately, I just can't help reposting because she is saying things I have not been able to articulate, or haven't realized what exactly is going on.

In this post, she talks about empathy. As I read it, I realized that the reason that I prefer to work by myself is probably because I'm taking in all the emotions around me, and not only is that very confusing, but it is very stressful. If my coworker is stressed, I feel stressed. This makes me unable to work as effectively as I would like, and it has driven me crazy all summer that I can't understand why I feel so odd. It could be a perfectly fine day, and all of a sudden I feel completely overwhelmed. There's too many emotions around me!

But at the same time, as she says, I disconnect from the "big picture" things. 9-11 doesn't really register on my radar, because I didn't know anyone who died. What I DO know is that everyone around me was completely stressed, devastated, scared and overwhelmed by the situation, and since I didn't understand it, I didn't understand their emotions, but I felt them and it was one of the most overwhelming things I have ever experienced. They felt all those things directly, but to me, they were strangers, I didn't understand the political perspective (I categorized it under "accident" for quite a few hours), and I knew no one who was involved or died (until a few hours or days later when my mom told me my uncle was in the pentagon... but he was fine.).

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Here is the link to her post, because it is just awesome.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

SERIOUSLY: Why Can't You Just Say "Hi"?

Today I am once again going to refer you to another post.
This post today might as well have been written by myself. But, I'm not a writer, and therefore, I'm referring you elsewhere. ;)
READ IT. Then internalize it for a moment. It IS quite ridiculous that you ask someone a question that you don't honestly want the answer to, isn't it?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Just a little fun...

A. Age: almost 30

B. Bed size: Queen. its nice and all but.... i wish we had room for a king!

C. Chore that you hate: i really hate bathrooms. and mopping. i would rather get on my hands and knees with a rag...

D. Dogs: 1 big outside dog, 2 cats

E. Essential start to your day: boy, i would like to get to bed early enough that i dont get woken up by hearing "MOM, im STARVING" LOL

F. Favorite color: blue. blue. blue.

G. Gold or Silver: silver

H. Height: 5 feet, 5 inches

I. Instruments you play: flute, oboe, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, dabbled in clarinet, violin, piano...took guitar lessons, and i "can play" but its been a long long time... and now its moved because we moved things to prepare for moving.... ugh.

J. Job title: God's child, wife, mother, friend... oh wait, you wanted actual jobs? LOL. housekeeping

K. Kids: Brody

L. Live: MN. and no, not everyone in MN is MN nice...

M. Mother’s name: Jutta. HA! so THERE!

N. Nickname: Missy (dad), Mommy (Brody), Honey (Hubby)

O. Overnight hospital stays: just Brody's birth!

P. Pet peeves: dramatic people, people who change the "rules" on me, 2 faced

Q. Quote from a movie

R. Right or left handed: right. but i can do an aweful lot with my left, thanks to recent tendonitis in the right thumb.... lol

S. Siblings: 1 sis 2ish years younger, 1 bro 11 years younger

T. Time it takes you to get ready: i can be ready in a half hour - 45 minutes. add brody? over an hour...

U. Ultimate Vacation:  Ireland or austrailia

V. Vegetable you hate: ummm.... onion? i mean, on its own. IN something i dont care (anymore... LOL)

W. What makes you run late: forgetting things

X. X-Rays you’ve had: teeth (who hasnt?), and in the past 6 months my foot and lungs.

Y. Yummy food that you make: lasagna (or other misc pasta dishes), pizza

Z. Zoo animal: giraffes, any cats, 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Aspergers and "Rudeness"

I need to get better at time management, or focus, or something. I need to post on this blog more! I have gotten some nice traffic in the past, but its because I'm not posting consistently that I don't have better traffic!

Anyway, today it was brought to my attention that I am actually helping people that I know by doing this blog. Not just to help them understand me, but perhaps that they would understand someone else.

Chances are that anyone who thinks I am rude is not reading this blog. Unfortunately. But this is a very important aspect of Aspergers that I MUST tackle because I know that I have done things in the past that have upset people, and I didn't know it until it was too late. 

We do not mean to be rude. We likely don't even know we ARE being rude, which is why we would "act" mystified when you tell us we are being rude. Like I said, we are not saying or doing what we are saying or doing in order to be rude. I want to make that clear right off the bat.

It would be helpful as a NT if you would say EARLY ON in the conversation anything that would make it clear why you are talking to us about something.

For example, if you don't want me to offer solutions to fix a problem, and you don't tell me that, chances are I'm going to try to offer a way to fix the problem. For many things, to me, the solution is painfully simply. You may not like the solution but it is the perfect solution (in my mind). And once you've opened yourself up to my solutions (by bringing up the topic), then it is sometimes hard for me to bite my tongue. I feel an urge to respond, almost the same as the urge to go to the bathroom.

For example: (and this is totally hypothetical)
To the person who has a lingering bad cough but smokes, my solution is QUIT SMOKING.
Few things make me as confused as the person struggling with a bad cough, but is sucking down another smoke. Um, you know that's bad for you right? You know that you are inhaling chemicals and things into your lungs that don't belong there right? You can claim that the cough comes from a cold, but people get over colds in the span of a week, smokers it can hang on for weeks upon weeks. I know because I've seen it happen. Quitting can immediately being reversing the damage caused by smoking, and that cough would be less of a problem, or wouldn't be an issue with the next cold you get.
Some smokers are in denial. Some smokers don't want to believe you. Some smokers are scared the cough means something worse....

Now, to a smoker, go ahead and tell me how that makes you feel?
I have learned (I had to LEARN THIS PEOPLE!) that this can make smokers pretty upset. Most smokers KNOW smoking is bad for them. They know that it can cause X, Y, and Z. The urge to smoke greatly outweighs the fact that they know they should quit, because quitting is hard!

Fact of the matter is, what I'm saying is TRUE. It is. It just isn't "nice" according to some wierdo social rules or something. You just don't walk around telling people the truth like that. I don't know why, I really don't. And I'm NOT trying to be rude, or hurt anyone's feelings. The fact that I know they know its true doesn't help, because in my mind, if you KNOW something is hurting you, why are you still doing it? Why did you even start doing it? But, I've never been a smoker, and I've been told "you just don't understand how hard it is". Got me there.

Sometimes, in order to avoid pushing someone's buttons, or making them offended by giving them my "perfect solutions", I decide to "emotionally check out" from a relationship with them. I have never had anyone seem to notice. But then, typically by that point, I've already had conversations with them that have maybe already offended them, so they probably didn't miss me. Maybe they do, but its not like the run back to tell me about it. It's complicated.

Basically, if someone says something, I offer my best and most perfect solution, and they don't like it, all I really want is a "thank you for that thought" or something. I don't understand why something I said could be so awful that they would immediately take it super personally. My opinions or even truths have nothing to do with how I feel about them as a person. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm not trying to offend. I'm not trying to point fingers at or otherwise demean another person. I'm only offering what I think of as the best and most perfect solution. Unless I've been prewarned that they don't want the solution, its really hard not to offer it! Especially when its such a clear and simple answer. And if there weren't some truth to what I have to offer, would they feel the same way about it? If smokers didn't already know they should quit, would they be as offended by someone telling them they should? What I'm trying to say is that sometimes the fact that they are faced with the cold hard truth is guilt provoking, and because I'm the one who delivered the solution, I'm the one they get mad at? (Again, totally illogical behavior to blame me for their own guilt....)

I have learned to rein this in. Sometimes I emotionally disconnect. Sometimes I tune out any and all related conversation. Sometimes I am actually able to say something constructive but thats pretty rare (I think of all the "good" responses later! LOL).

So, really, I just want my input to be appreciated, or I'd like to be warned beforehand that a person isn't looking for a perfect solution or my solution. I don't typically talk just to converse, really. 

From this link:
"He notes the Asperger child’s different perception of the world around them and their own unique way of experiencing sensory events. He points out their strong need “to seek knowledge, truth and perfection,” but they just do it differently than more typical children. To them, the solving of the problem is more important than what others might think about them: They see details, as opposed to the whole."

And this one just made me giggle a little, and want to share it too, totally true.

Anyway, I hope this gives you a smidgion of an insight on the rudeness. There is much to say on this topic, and feel free to ask me anything. I might post again on this in the future.