Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Employment and My Aspergers

See, I'm the kind of person who isn't really physically and mentally able to work very often.
This isn't because I'm lazy, or something. But the actual process of getting up, handing my son over to someone else (even if it's family), going to work, arriving (you have no idea how much arriving bothers me), doing the job, waiting for the end of it all, and going home..... It's all just a lot to take in.

Typically, when I do work, (like I do currently), I work part time, and jobs that are "background work" type jobs like dishwashing, cooking, or cleaning. These jobs require interaction, but the interaction is controlled - the same people every day, you know. Customer service is not my skill; I don't like dealing with strangers, and I don't like serving customers, pretending to be so cheery.... its not that I can't be a cheery person, I just don't pretend to be when I'm not.
However "controlled" the interaction is, it is far from ideal. It isn't like I can choose people I work with, nor can I choose whether they like me, get along with me, or make me comfortable.
Typically there will be a "situation", and that situation can make me really uncomfortable moving forward, and though I know that the only way to get past the discomfort I feel is to put some positive interaction into the situation, I am not able to do this. I am always left thinking that they are still mad at me, or they won't give me the chance, or something. I am not able to be the one to make the first move to "fix" the discomfort.
I posted a link in the post before this one. One of the things on the list was that I do not do drama. I do not lie. I do not make stuff up. I say what I mean. I don't play a lot of games. However, the unfortunate thing is that there are so many people, especially girls, who just loooove drama. They loooove to play games. They love to make more out of something that there is. They love to assume that just because I did X I really mean Y. Hello? Doesn't anybody know that I say what I mean, mean what I say? Why does everyone else's lies have to make me a liar when that is the farthest thing from my abilities!?

Anyway, the point here is that discomfort, bickering coworkers, uncomfortable situations... I have left jobs for less than that.
Sometimes I have reasons for staying. At my current job my reasons are that I get along well with the boss, and the head of housekeeping. I really get along well with them. They (seem to) trust me, they give me the flexibility I need to manage my crazy emotions and my crazy overwhelming feelings, and stuff like that. They make it really easy to work for them. I like that. I like a place that appreciates what I do, but doesn't pressure me to be this kind of person who lives to work there. They know I have a life, other responsibilities, and the tendency to be overwhelmed. 

Anyway, my point is that working and having Aspergers is really hard. It is really hard. Most of what makes it hard is working with people who don't play it straight, and assume that I don't either. Just get me. Listen to what I am saying. Believe me, I'm not going to make up some story just to make your life more difficult or something. Once we are closer friends, I'll be a little more sarcastic, but if we are not close, if we are not friends (because there's no such thing to me as only a little bit of a friend), then I'm going to be straight with you. 

1 comment:

  1. I dont lie either. About anything. I rarely gossip. My friend Jane knew this. I rarely said bad things about anyone unless they hurt me really bad. She also knew i was smart n kind. She was one of the best adult friends ive ever had. We still talk too. I get along best w men. They dont steal ur bf, they dont do drama, they do however try to screw ur prettier friends or they have a wife n kids. So. I understand. Even ur employment stuff reminds me of my resort jobs. Ugh. So glad!!! Thats over.