Tuesday, July 10, 2012


I have been listening to an old song lately, that I used to listen to in high school. I had forgotten how much this song means to me, how much I feel every word in the song, how much it describes my life. Constantly feeling as if I'm on the outside of it all. In college this was totally obvious to me. I had a group of "friends". We did a lot of things together. Truly though, I never really was interested in most of what they did, but it was college, and it was funny to hang out with them and watch them. They once threw an old printer out the back of a car going 55MPH. That was funny. Don't worry, they "cleaned it up" and pushed it off the road... and beat it with a metal pole. Whatever. They were my friends, but I wasn't really a part of the group. I missed out on jokes, I missed out on trips, I missed out on a lot of random things, and I was hurt that they didn't include me in things, even if they were things I wasn't interested in (like watching "The Simpsons").
I was there, and they were friendly to me, but I was often watching from the "Outside".
Well, here's the lyrics.

It's hard to explain
Inherently it's just always been strange
Neither here nor there
Always somewhat out of place everywhere
Without a sense of belonging to touch
Somewhere halfway
Feeling there's no one completely the same

Standing alone
Eager to just
Believe it's good enough to be what
You really are
But in your heart
Uncertainty forever lies
And you'll always be
Somewhere on the

Early on, you face
The realization you don't have a space
Where you fit in
And recognize you
Were born to exist


And it's hard
And it's hard
And it's hard

Falling in between
And it's hard
And it's hard
To be understood
As you are
As you are
Oh, and God knows
That you're standing on your own
Blind and unguided
Into a world divided
You're thrown
Where you're never quite the same
Although you try - try and try
To tell yourself
You really are
But in your heart - uncertainty forever lies
And you'll always be
Somewhere on the outside
You'll always be
Somewhere on the outside

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