Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Downtime and Sensitivity

If I don't get enough time to myself to just be alone, without someone talking in my ear, I fall apart at the seams.

This is unfortunate because B seems to be completely the opposite of that, talking all day long, and wanting to talk to me all day long. A constant voice in my ear, allowing me no time to think or breathe or just be alone. 

I'm considering a schedule right now, but I haven't had the time/motivation/willpower to actually start it yet. I'm being incredibly defeated by stress and busyness... 

I have tried getting up early, but I popped back into the habit of being up late again, so I'm not following through on that either.

I've lost my running vibe, so I'm not doing as well energy wise and depression-fighting wise either... mostly because its summer and its too hot, and if its not too hot, there are deerflies and mosquitoes, and I go overly crazy when I have bugs all over me. Even if its just one bug, EEEK I can't stand it. I might not have tested for sensitivities, but I was asked if i couldn't stand being touched (by other people) - not if i have physical sensitivities to sunscreen, bugspray (greasy), dirt under my fingernails, bugs being on me, the SOUND of bugs around me, ugh ugh ugh! makes me just wanna freak out a little just thinking about it.

I wait all winter for summer, so I can get outside, and summer comes and I remember how much I hate bugs and can't stand the touch of them, the sound of them, the idea of them biting me.... it is all so much for me to deal with. Some days are better than others, but I'm already at a low tolerance point tonight.

I really should get back on the habit of earlier to bed and getting up early. I would maybe feel better about a run in the morning, I might get some time to myself right away, and the bugs aren't as bad in the morning?

Now we have trees in our driveway, so I would have to spend some time moving some of the brush out of the way to run.... and running in the driveway is boring to be honest. But I can't leave B that long to run down the road. 

I have roadblocks, most of which are mental. Hurdling them is easier said than done.

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