Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Obsessive Thoughts

I haven't seen a lot of articles or information on Aspergers and obsessive thoughts. So I'm writing, and if anyone knows of any information on this, please share it in the comments.

Without going into detail, I "suffer" from obsessive thinking. Sometimes, certain topics can get stuck in my head, and I ruminate over it for a long period of time. Sometimes this happens until the situation is resolved but this is not always the case. Sometimes the issues causing these thoughts never really resolve, the situations in mind never come to an end, and the problem I am ruminating over just remains there in the backburner. I can go for weeks thinking about one topic/issue, and I have no way of removing that from my mind. It is rather frustrating.

The most frustrating thing about this is that I am deeply affected by what I am thinking about. My mood, my ability to function normally, my ability to be social and my ability to complete daily tasks is greatly affected by this thinking glitch. I am rather moody, short tempered, and avoidant. What I think I'm trying to do is escape the thoughts and thinking, but in the process I have to avoid everything else in my life as well. Complete escapism. I get rather annoyed when interrupted in these moments of trying to escape. It has a completely overwhelming effect on my entire life, and I am unable to handle much of anything else.

Sometimes, these thoughts might not have much or anything to do with me personally. Much in the same way as NT's care about and worry for their friends and family, even if the situation doesn't have a lot to do with me, I still ruminate over it. I still end up focusing on it. I still end up overly upset over the situation. Most people find this rediculous, if it has nothing to do with me, and if I have no control over the situation, first why do I care, and second, what good does worrying about it do?
The problem is that no matter how much I dislike and do not want to be thinking about it, I am unable to keep these thoughts from taking over my head. This is something that is beyond my control. This is something that I have never been able to resolve.

I am unsure what the solution to dealing with this is. I do try to pray a lot about it. At first, for the right resolution to the problem, the just solution. After a long period of thinking about it, and as the frustration that I haven't been able to remove it from my thinking increases, I pray for it to be lifted from me. This sometimes helps, but often not as quickly as I would like, and it doesn't completely remove the thought. The thoughts still come back time and time again, though less frequent. I become quite agitated that once again this thought is in my head and causing a disruption in my life. However, these relapses are usually short lived, or are only intense for a short time, retreating to a mild thought that still remains on the backburner.

I have not been able to try consistent, regular therapy or counseling to get things off my chest. I do not have a lot of friends living near me, and fewer still that I would trust to vent all of my frustrations to. In the past when I have expressed my thoughts or obsessive thinking, I have often been met with the responses of "It has nothing to do with you - just stop thinking about it", or, "Don't worry about it, it will be fine". Sure, that might be "true" to the listener, but the fact of the matter is that neither deals with the fact that these thoughts are very strong and controlling in my head, and I wouldn't be bringing them out to the ears of someone else if I could have handled it myself. Sometimes just getting it out there and having a sympathetic or listening ear is enough. But the majority of the time that ear does not exist or is not present during my time of need, and the stress never gets removed from my head.
I would think that regular therapy and counseling would be helpful because you get that non-judgemental, understanding ear that just listens, you get to speak what is going on in your head without judgement or ridicule. But I have been unable to try this because it is a distance to get to a counselor that I trust or feel comfortable with. Maybe someday this will be an easier obtained solution.

Do any other Aspie's have trouble with this kind of thinking? Is this part of how we deal with stressful situations, or unjust situations? Is this because of our strict adherence to doing the right thing and wanting the right thing to be done by everyone? 


  1. I am EXACTLY the same as you, even my g/f says as much. I obsessive over ideas, events that haven't happened yet or potentials of events, etc, etc. Your blog has in essence described completely what I do myself.

    I believe it is possibly linked to the sensory sensitivity or lack of filtration of Aspies, that, we also cannot filter the mood evaluation of a thought so much so it becomes obsessive, like a fly that keep buzzing in your face no matter how much you swat it away, it keeps coming back as we don't have the tools in the mind to filter the thought so we think the thought and think the thought and think the thought again!

    Re-balancing via meditation can work but I find it makes me more energetic as opposed to relaxing but it does replenish the field of balance, body, mind and soul.

    The other alternative is seek out a solution to the problem yourself, become a self advocate for the resolution of a problem albeit it may not be immediately your own problem. Use your Aspie skill for independent problem solving like I have as do many other Aspies.

    As I said I am the same and I will admit I sympathise as it's exhausting, stressful and draining with very few others able to understand.

    However, I hope these few words help, good luck and thank you for your blog!!

    1. thank you for your response! i was wondering if it were an aspie thing or if i was just going crazy! LOL

      not that bugs have anything to do with it, but i have a VERY VERY TINY tolerance level for bugs. i hate them being anywhere near me. i mean, you cant beat a bee flying by but flies that just hover around you, and land on you, and mosquitoes, and gnats, and no-see-ums... ugh we have bugs around here!

      deerflies! oh my goodness those things are so frustrating! you can smack the living daylights out of them and they wont leave your head alone! i should write a post about bugs. holy cow i could just go off on a tangent!!

  2. what do you do to stop them? they are making my boyfriend crazy. he has a meltdown every week and can't think positively about our future together because of all these negative thoughts. no matter how hard and fast i work on trying to solve our/his problems he can't see the positive future of us together. Since you are a mother and wife i assume you don't crash every week and take a day or two off to have a meltdown. My boyfriend sent me this link so i could understand his issues better. i admit i am at a loss as to what to do. he won't take antidepressants or do anything i have suggested to get back into work/update his computer skills.

    1. i wish i could give you an easy answer.

      ill address the antidepressant thing from my perspective because that is one thing that popped out to me first.
      i tried them once. it was the lowest dose. i took one out, and dropped it. it pretty much vanished - i have no idea where it ended up (then i found it weeks later after sweeping under the fridge LOL). then when i went to open them, found that my husband (who nicely took the bottle and shut it for me) had unknowingly crushed 3 of them in the cap.

      i finally got one, and took it. went to bed. woke up at 4 in the morning WIDE FREAKING AWAKE. my mind was racing, a million thoughts were running through my mind, and at 4 am the only thing i could think of was "well, maybe ill try playing on my phone for a while..." i ended up also having to be sick sitting on the toilet for a long period of time there as well.

      an hour and a half later i finally felt like sleeping. but the "rush" i got from that was enough to scare me off them.

      i dont really believe drugs are the answer. and im told by my doctors that they do not solve the problem anyway, but for some people they bring them up out of their depression enough to help them to motivate to action positive life changes that help them feel better, and eventually the pill is no longer needed. to me, the side effects make me feel worse and more out of control than not taking them at all.

      though i cant speak for your boyfriend, i only was given the antidep after a couple of years of saying "no no, i think we will try other things before trying the drugs...". so possibly he is considering the same things i had been, that the side effects are more worrisome than the actual issues hes having? so be sympathetic to him there, because it is his health after all, and implying that he has to use drugs to help his problems may only make him more frustrated because he's already determined that route is one he wont be taking. talk to him about this though and see his real feelings on that because that is only my perspective, not his.

      im a bit mixed up about the rest of your comment. let me know if im wrong in what i sensed (sometimes i have this problem - words that should make perfect sense dont, so i repeat back...)
      so he is having negative thoughts, obsessive. and they are about your future? he is worried about it not working out? or that it wont be a happy ending?

      does he have reason to think negatively about your relationship? what i mean is, does he have experience in broken promises before you, whether in his own relationships or watching his parents or siblings or friends or something? try to make sense of it through the lens of "well it never worked out with X" "it didnt work out for X"...

      anyway. comment back if you can!

      there is no easy solution. for me, burying myself in my hobbies sometimes helps relieve the thoughts and stress of the overwhelming obsession my brain has with a topic.