Thursday, April 4, 2013

Babymoon and Tricky Parenting

So, we're back from our babymoon! My hubby and I had a really good, relaxing time. We talked, we got to go out to eat at a really fancy restaurant, I surprised Jeff with a limo ride to said fancy restaurant, we swam, sat in the big bubbling tub in our room, watched tv, went to Gooseberry (our favorite place), and Split Rock also! We just had a nice, relaxing time. The only bad part was night, when neither one of us slept well. Hubby couldn't sleep because of my snoring, and I couldn't sleep because he would poke me and then I would feel bad, or I was uncomfortable. It was not comfortable in that bed! 

Our B did not have as good of a time. I think he made it through the first 24 hours just fine, but he has a lot of the same problems that we have going somewhere new; it just isn't the same. He is completely lost without his normalcy, without his routine, without his clean and wide open spaces home, and without mom and dad! 

As I think about these things it makes me wonder about the possibility of him having Aspergers. He has a lot of the same symptoms that I have (only I have had 30 years of practice to "hide" or "make socially acceptable"). He does not hide his feelings. He gets a nervous, anxious stomach just like I do, and he was throwing up by night 2. There are a lot of factors involved, and none of them are his fault, and none of them are anything he can control. Take it from me, no matter how much logic you throw at this nervous, anxious stomach, it does not go away until the stimulous that is causing the stomach ache goes away. In this case, coming home to his mom and dad and his home was the cure. He was home very short period of time, got showered and ate some crackers and he felt 1000% better.

He is also a lot like his dad, they both have a harder time using the bathroom when they are away from home. It isn't impossible for them, but more times than not they will be unable to go. That must have been part of his problem because he went 3 times yesterday afternoon alone. Poor kid!

This brings me to a thought that I had never had before. We didn't really fall in love with the idea that babies should have a solid routine, but as a family we did fall into somewhat of a "loose routine". Now the idea is that he is "too stuck" in his routine! What? You hear for years how a routine helps for things like bedtime, but  being out of the routine isn't supposed to be a problem? 

Anyway, my son is who he is. I know if it were me, I would be just as out of my comfort zone. I would be just as uncomfortable. Even at 30, I could mask my issues and sensitivities for a certain period, but after that I would probably be a little touchy. I would need to do something completely on my own, like take a walk or something. A 6 year old just can't walk off on his own and take a walk, and it's likely that he wouldn't even know to ask for that. He has been an intense child since the moment he was born, so him being intense now is not something he has been "coddled" into, or parented in such and such a way, or anything. This is who he is. We aren't the kind of family who leaves our kid behind very often.We take him everywhere with us, and we prefer that. We actually like to be together as a family, and if our son prefers that as well, what could possibly be wrong with that? I doubt he will be inconsolable without us at 13. If there is some Aspergers aspect, I fully believe that we will deal with things however we have to as we go along. I didn't become a parent to push my kids away or force them to be so uncomfortable they throw up. I know for me, no amount of practice would make that any better. And somehow I managed to grow up to be a functional adult without being forced to do things that made me sick.

But I am keeping an eye on the behavior, the aspects of Aspergers that I see. It reaffirms me a little, and it helps me to know that doing things like homeschooling, I am likely making the right decisions for all of us. Though I'm glad it helps so many people to have those assistance resources available, I know even a NT child of ours is going to be relentlessly tortured through school just as we were. So to have a possibility of having a child who is different, I just know that it wouldn't turn out well. I know that God is showing us exactly what we need to do to help our child to be confident and happy. 

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