Saturday, November 4, 2017


Every so often I am reminded about just how naive I am, and how I literally could have been a victim of horrible things so many times... and how absolutely protected I've been. 

People sometimes say things about how they knew something about someone that was pretty important information, they just knew it, and I had no idea.

Why don't I have the same radar on people as they do?

Oddly enough, as many aspies are saying now, I have this overempathy reaction to people. I don't even have to know that something is wrong, but I start feeling off and don't know why. It used to happen in high school too, even when something was going on with the teachers. 

But I have no radar for so many things about people.

I had a friendship with a radio dj in my first year of college, and even walked out to the station one night to meet him. I was purely platonic about the whole thing, and it is only apparent to me years later that it wasn't for him. He gave me a ride back to campus, and if it weren't for the grace of God and his honorable behavior, I could have easily stepped into dangerous ground! I had no instinct that he was even interested. After all, where I grew up, no one was interested in me. Why would I even consider that would change?

In fact, most of college was probably full of moments kinda like that.

I spent a lot of time alone, wandering campus or town. I never had boyfriends at college (I had already met my future husband and was dating him long distance - and that proved to be a fine decision) but college could have been an unsafe place for someone without any instincts to be, but nothing ever happened. Sometimes I find that almost normal, and other times simply amazing because it seems as if it could have been so dangerous. 

I've known people for years and years that have had serious problems. When I was given a window into those problems for the first time, I was shocked! Appalled! Frustrated, angry, I felt used and pulled into drama I wanted no part of. 

And other people knew, without being given a window.
How did I not know?

Maybe I expect more from people? Or maybe it's that I expect too much? Maybe it's rooted back in my inability to give grace to others, and my not wanting to think people I know would do certain things, or something. Maybe it's my bad habit of putting people on a pedestal.

I don't know. I just don't have instincts for certain things, and again, it's only by the grace of God that I've gotten through my life unscathed. 

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