Thursday, September 8, 2016

Overwhelmed Again

Those days where nothing seems to get done, where everyone seems to want a share of you, when everything seems too hard to do, when there's so much to do and you can't even start doing it, much less finish ....
It drives me crazy to be interrupted over and over and over...
I have to recollect my thoughts, figure out where I was, start over again....

I had one of those nights the other night.

It was completely overwhelming.

Little B has been sick. After almost two weeks of this I've figured out (on my own) what it is. She gets cold sore breakouts. REALLY BAD ones. This time she also developed a massive one on her thumb, herpetic whitlow.

Apparently it can commonly be mistaken as hand/foot/mouth, and that appears to be the case with her doctor telling us multiple times, every time we've been in since they started. Thinking back, they started when she was eating solid foods, which she didn't eat much of until after 12-14 months old. (Her tongue tie prevented her from being able to eat much because she gagged on everything. she was still gagging on bananas at a year old. Don't get me started on the medical profession missing that mess...)

We thought they were a reaction to tomato, like her brother used to have. Anywhere ketchup would touch his skin, he would break out. It did go away but he still prefers not to have tomato if he can help it.

Either way, she was so little when this started. And I know she would get some on her fingers as well, which probably only reaffirmed the diagnosis of hand/foot/mouth. I KNEW all along that was not the answer. They really didn't seem to think past h/f/m, so I doubted myself, and didn't know what to do about the fact that she repeatedly got it, over and over, and no one else in the house did. I mean, isn't h/f/m highly contagious? Wouldn't someone else have come down with something at some point over the past two years besides her?

So, sadly this seems to be how it works every time. She gets sick, and throws up for around 24 hours. This last time it was only twice, and she hadn't really had much to eat so it wasn't a lot of throwing up. Sometimes its been really bad, we've had her in worrying about dehydration and she finally comes around. Then the sores break out. It's at least 2 weeks of sores coming, healing, and vanishing. Sometimes it seemed like she was getting them over and over, one right on top of the other. Right now her lips are looking good finally, and her thumb popped (it was quite full of liquid and very swollen, so it either popped or she bit it...). She seems to be getting a new sore up her thumb a little bit, but I hope that we can keep that one under control under the bandaid that is protecting her thumb because it broke open. I'm really hoping she didn't bite it open because that probably means we have another round of mouth sores coming on. Yes, her whole mouth gets sores in it too, which means she won't eat much either. This time I got wise and got her soup, yogurt, pudding, cottage cheese, soft foods, even ice cream for shakes. I think the shakes are probably great because they're cold too.

Anyway. I had to find this out on my own. I had to google several different times slightly different description and read a post from an ER employee on thinking it was MRSA before I came up with this herpetic whitlow. WHY? I wonder. It is so frustrating to me.

I mean, if you have a patient that has been in multiple times because of this same issue, no other members of the family have come down with it, and its only ever one finger really, and it's a repetitive one right on top of the other..... Wouldn't you start looking at other options? Wouldn't you start questioning your own thinking? I know I would! After all, I DID, after two years of being told it was one thing, I'm finally convinced that it is something else, and it is at least related to what I originally thought it was - cold sores.

Cold sores are so weird. My mom and sister get them. My dad and I do not. (I can't remember about my brother). My husband gets them. Big B does not. Little B does. Jury is still out on Baby J. I'm hoping he is immune because one little with these painful things is enough. I don't know if I could handle round two, especially on a 7 month old! That would be too much. But when he is over a year, starts solids more, and we start to see....? I don't know.

I know about the antivirals for them. My mom takes one kind, my hubby takes another. I don't know if they can give that to kids so young. I should google that since I get more answers from google than the doctor. I really should move to another doctor, we've been really considering it, moving to the clinic closer to home. 


So I've been completely overwhelmed with that, then trying to do other things...

And the washer flooded the laundry room. We had to buy a new set. It was literally busted, the drum had cracked. Not really a fix for that. HA! Glad it was Labor Day sales, we got quite a good deal on a really nice new set, computery and lights and sounds and yay! :) I'm really happy with the size, its like 1.9 cu ft bigger than the one we had before, so that's great, and NO agitator.

SO there's that.

And the not working. This whole owning a truck thing isn't as quick, easy and painless as you would think.

I'm just....

One domino away from everything falling down.

Or one melatonin. Little B took like 2/3 a bottle tonight. Thank God for poison control (literally), they say there should be no harm or worries. I don't know how she is still awake, its been more than a half hour too... I'm so tired of being overwhelmed by her obsession with putting things in her mouth, playing in my bathroom in general, stuff like that. It's like dealing with a dementia patient. :(

So, I was (am) overwhelmed and completely exhausted and who wouldn't fall asleep? The two littles. Go figure. Man it took me a long time to get them to sleep, and then me getting to sleep. :(

It is the worst feeling. At least now in this part of my life I can recognize overwhelm. But dealing with it? Not so good at that. I get angry, short tempered, yelly, the whole list. No patience at all.

Anyone else? WHAT to do? HOW to deal? 

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